Monday 24 October 2016
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Wednesday 12 October 2016
An open letter to Pulimurugan Mohanlal
Dear Lalettan,
Congratulations on your latest hit Pulimurugan. You legion of fans and admirers, which includes me, is still debating if it is a hit, super hit, mega hit, super duper hit. From all accounts it is a mega super duper hit. But does it deserve to be?
The film is 90% Mohanlal, the remaining 10% is shared between the 100 people you thrashed singlehandedly and the few tigers you mercilessly and effortlessly killed.
Yes, many characters come and go, but we wouldn't have missed them if they came and stayed or didn't come at all. For example your neighbour, a sexy and voluptuous woman (the director has made sure every curve is curvier, he didn't want to leave anything to chance) ogles you, ogles you more, and ogles you further more. The amount of screen space and time she got, you, sorry Murugan, should have had at least a one-night stand.
The film, I feel, has come a little too late. It should have hit theatres at least in January, 2014. That is the year a man who accidentally fell into a tiger's enclosure at the Delhi zoo was mauled to death by the big cat. The movie should be made essential viewing for all visitors to zoos. No, not the parts were you killed the tigers as a grown-up, but the beginning, where you killed a tiger as a six- or seven-year-old.
Already Do-It-Yourself illustrations on killing tigers are going viral.
Step 1: Make the tiger chase you, make sure you outrun it
Step 2: Climb a tall tree
Step 3: When the tiger follows you and climbs the tree, you jump from it
Step 4: Now the tiger is busy climbing the tree, but you are on the ground
Step 5: Hurl the spear piercing the tiger's back and sticking it to the tree
If all this fails, you can turn to the age-old tried and tested adavu of poozhikadakan, I am sure no tiger has still learned the kalaripayattu step, the pathinettamathe adavu. If you didn't know any of this, the film would have been over 2 minutes 40 seconds, someone had tweeted.
I also salute the sacrifices you (Murugan) made in raising your brother and funded his MBA, but I have to say this, you did a really bad job of it. Which bloody MBA graduate in this world will believe his friends are transporting tonnes of hash from Idukki forests to find a cure for cancer?! You and he deserved all the troubles you faced afterwards.
You will argue we embraced Narasimham, Aaaraam Thamburan, Raavanaprabhu, Devasuram… Superhuman roles they were, but they were well-made and well-edited with well-mouthed dialogues. Here we get a constipated grunt, which we can't even imitate.
A short story writer has said, or you fans associations claim he said, "Look at Mohanlal, even at this age, the fellow pulls off such stunts." I pretty much agree, "Look at Mohanlal, even at this age the poor fellow has to pull such stunts."
Please don't be offended. As you would say. "ഇതെല്ലാം ഒരു നമ്പർ അല്ലേ, ചുമ്മാ."
Always your fan
Jasoos Narayanan Kutty
Congratulations on your latest hit Pulimurugan. You legion of fans and admirers, which includes me, is still debating if it is a hit, super hit, mega hit, super duper hit. From all accounts it is a mega super duper hit. But does it deserve to be?
The film is 90% Mohanlal, the remaining 10% is shared between the 100 people you thrashed singlehandedly and the few tigers you mercilessly and effortlessly killed.
Yes, many characters come and go, but we wouldn't have missed them if they came and stayed or didn't come at all. For example your neighbour, a sexy and voluptuous woman (the director has made sure every curve is curvier, he didn't want to leave anything to chance) ogles you, ogles you more, and ogles you further more. The amount of screen space and time she got, you, sorry Murugan, should have had at least a one-night stand.
The film, I feel, has come a little too late. It should have hit theatres at least in January, 2014. That is the year a man who accidentally fell into a tiger's enclosure at the Delhi zoo was mauled to death by the big cat. The movie should be made essential viewing for all visitors to zoos. No, not the parts were you killed the tigers as a grown-up, but the beginning, where you killed a tiger as a six- or seven-year-old.
Already Do-It-Yourself illustrations on killing tigers are going viral.
Step 1: Make the tiger chase you, make sure you outrun it
Step 2: Climb a tall tree
Step 3: When the tiger follows you and climbs the tree, you jump from it
Step 4: Now the tiger is busy climbing the tree, but you are on the ground
Step 5: Hurl the spear piercing the tiger's back and sticking it to the tree
If all this fails, you can turn to the age-old tried and tested adavu of poozhikadakan, I am sure no tiger has still learned the kalaripayattu step, the pathinettamathe adavu. If you didn't know any of this, the film would have been over 2 minutes 40 seconds, someone had tweeted.
I also salute the sacrifices you (Murugan) made in raising your brother and funded his MBA, but I have to say this, you did a really bad job of it. Which bloody MBA graduate in this world will believe his friends are transporting tonnes of hash from Idukki forests to find a cure for cancer?! You and he deserved all the troubles you faced afterwards.
You will argue we embraced Narasimham, Aaaraam Thamburan, Raavanaprabhu, Devasuram… Superhuman roles they were, but they were well-made and well-edited with well-mouthed dialogues. Here we get a constipated grunt, which we can't even imitate.
A short story writer has said, or you fans associations claim he said, "Look at Mohanlal, even at this age, the fellow pulls off such stunts." I pretty much agree, "Look at Mohanlal, even at this age the poor fellow has to pull such stunts."
Please don't be offended. As you would say. "ഇതെല്ലാം ഒരു നമ്പർ അല്ലേ, ചുമ്മാ."
Always your fan
Jasoos Narayanan Kutty
Thursday 6 October 2016
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