Five Reasons Why PM Modi's CAA Helps Economy

The popular perception is that the Narendra Modi govt has amended the citizenship law to keep illegal Muslim migrants out. This will polarise the society further and lead to more consolidation of Hindus, enabling a bigger victory in 2024. Abki baar, chaar so paar.

All that might be true, but that will only be a side effect. There must be a bigger picture, the jasoos in me thought. A visionary like Narendra Modi wouldn't do something that affects the lives of 135 crore people for a few handful of votes. Not unless it is in some way for the welfare of the 135 crore people.

This got me thinking. My week-long study of classified documents and interactions with the most powerful people who oil the wheels of the govt have led me to some startling revelations. Here is the gist of my research.

1. National security

India's security forces, especially the state police, hardly have any work or rather hardly do any work. Most are pot-bellied, though they would like us to believe it is some special muscle they have developed over the years by consuming high-protein diet that incidentally comes wrapped in fat. A little bit of action like a lathicharge will do them no harm. Many of them have no shooting practice. Mob violence gives the police a chance to practise what they learnt in the classrooms. Days or months after the protests die down, the Indian police force will be vastly improved and fighting fit.

2. Pakodanomics

The security angle is happenstance. More important is the effect these protests have on the economy. Everyone knows we are following the award winning economic theory called Pakodanomics. As has been explained in these pages earlier, pakodanomics has led to serious imbalance between supply and demand. Every economist on the planet agrees consumption is at the lowest in India in decades. What it means is we have too many people making pakodas and too few eating the pakodas that are getting made. The protests provide a unique opportunity for pakoda sellers, they are getting a ready-made market. Needless to say pakodas are selling like hot cakes in Shaheen Bagh, India Gate, Azad Maidan, Marine Drive, etc.

Consumption slump is a thing of the past, now please don't say we don't have enough supply. The govt can only solve one problem at a time.

3. Oil and gas 

Arvind Subramanian is a smart ass. He spent years as chief economic advisor to the finance minister but never made any public comment against any policy against demonetization. Instead he stayed under the radar collecting data for his research for the next 10 years. Economists like him point to the reduction in fuel consumption to prove there is a slowdown. That is not a big issue at all. Today I took 40 minutes to cover 3 km in my car. Imagine millions of cars stuck in traffic jams caused by anti-CAA protests. Fuel consumption jumps, oil firms profit, consumption all around. Everybody is a winner. 

4. Stimulus

The protests and the crackdown create a sort of stimulus for the economy. The pharma sector gets a big boost. Just imagine the business hospitals are doing now with all the injured flocking there. A bandage here, a surgery there sends the hospital cash registers ringing.

I admit the country's telecom sector is facing a serious crisis. A couple of companies may shut down,  a few thousand people may lose their jobs, but the govt is on the job. It will certainly find a way to use the protests to aid the ailing telcos.

You don't believe me, just look at the Sensex. It is above 41,000 points. They know their business. There can be no better proof.

Postscript: This is a study in progress. If you know Reason No. 5, please do share.

Anti-Citizenship Amendment Act Protests Escalate Across India

Citizenship Law Rewritten, Right to Equality Redefined

A Malayalee Hindu’s Confession on Citizenship Bill

The Citizenship Amendment Bill is now law. Many of my colleagues on twitter say they feel sad, scared, angry, disappointed. I feel no such emotion.

And why should I? It doesn’t affect me. I am a Hindu. I don't know why Muslims are upset. They are not losing citizenship or anything.

And these protests in the Northeast! To be honest, where is the Northeast? It seems somewhere back of the beyond. I have never been there. I don’t see the region becoming a job hub in the foreseeable future. If and when I go, it will be as a tourist. I will click a few photos to keep at home, a reminder of a good trip.

To be honest I don’t know how many states are there in the Northeast. That would be an exaggeration, there are Seven Sisters. Is Sikkim one of the sisters or a distant cousin or neither? I don’t know.

I learnt the capitals of the seven states to score marks in GK. That done, I readily forgot them the moment I passed out.   

I mean who cares about the Northeast? If it wasn’t for the blank cheque, err passport, for illegal Hindu immigrants and a babaji ka thullu, isn’t that what Kapil Sharma says, for illegal Muslim immigrants, we wouldn’t be wasting any airtime or ink on the Northeast.
You don’t believe me?

Manipur was blockaded for nearly 5 months - that is almost half the year - a couple of years ago. Did anyone notice it? Did anyone cover the news?

Irom Sharmila, a resident of Manipur, was on a hunger strike for 16 years demanding removal of AFSPA. Hardly anyone noticed. AFSPA is still in force in Manipur. Irom just gave up her fight and got married. Her wedding made more headlines than the fast. BTW, she also lost an election somewhere in between. It would be wrong to say nothing fruitful came out of Irom’s hunger strike. A few people wrote her biographies and she got the title ‘Iron Lady’.

This is how much we Indians care for the Northeast.

I don’t know much about CAB, but what I know is it was in the BJP’s manifesto and the party swept the Northeast. It means the people of the region want the law, right? I may be wrong, but I have already admitted I give a damn about the place.

That is not to say I am a heartless soul. I have deep affection for people and things Northeastern. Just like I relish Hyderabadi biryani and mutton kababs, I like momos and red chutney. They are good touchings for rum. Not to speak of the people. They make for wonderful drinking buddies.

Now you know why I don’t feel sad, scared, angry or disappointed over the citizenship bill.

Prime Minister Narendra Modi has mastered one trick. Us versus them. And this ‘us’ is always a lot more significant in numbers than the ‘them’.

At some point, the party’s gaze will turn to Kerala. It fits the bill. Small state. Sizeable Muslim population. Just 20 Lok Sabha seats which the party anyway doesn’t win. It could come in the form of a countrywide beef ban for example. Us versus them.

That is when I will feel sad, scared, angry, disappointed.

World Exclusive: Transcript of hacked WhatsApp chat out

Demonetisation of Bharat Ratna

Every time a Bharat Ratna is announced, the first thing a journalist does is look at the winner’s caste, religion, state, mother tongue, etc to decipher the logic behind the honour.

So when Pranab Mukherjee wins it, it is an outreach to Bengal, an insult to the Congress, which apparently didn’t do justice to his talent and a reward for visiting the RSS headquarters.

The ratna to Bhupen Hazarika is an outreach to the Northeast, the one to Sachin Tendulkar is to win the support of the youth, the honour for Lata Mangeshkar is well, how can anyone say no to Lata tai?

The point is Bharat Ratna has been devalued beyond repair. It is not anymore an award to honour builders of modern India.

So we have given Bharat Ratna to Lata Mangeshkar for singing songs, thousands of them. Her songs entertained us, no doubt.

Her songs made us happy or sad, philosophic or patriotic, depending on our varying moods. If she wasn’t there, Suman Kalyanpur would have done that, or someone else. May be Asha Bhonsle.

Sachin Tendulkar got a Bharat Ratna for scoring centuries, exactly 100 of them. He also entertained us. If he didn’t play cricket, we would have had some other cricketer as our icon.

The country honoured a few classical musicians as well. One of them apparently put pressure on the govt, another got it because he was senior and more accomplished than the earlier winner.
Now there is another fad.

My freedom fighter vs your freedom fighter. So we are looking up history books to confer awards on heroes of the independence movement.

After Madan Mohan Malviya, we will be giving one to Veer Savarkar soon. One day I hope one of my great grandfathers also gets one. A Bharat Ratna in the showcase is always a matter of pride.

Ask why Verghese Kurien and E Sreedharan haven’t got it yet. They are nation builders, not entertainers or freedom fighters. We are sticklers for standards.

BJP to honour Veer Savarkar with Bharat Ratna

Solution for Slowdown

Mission Kashmir: Modi Finishes What Nehru Started

Many years ago one of my distant relatives went in search of his father who had abandoned the family. He met him, but his father wasn’t willing to return. The young man kept travelling till he reached Nagaland, where he married a tribal woman and settled down. He returned to Kerala decades later, after his wife died. 

Such heart-warming stories are rare when it comes to Kashmir.

When the Narendra Modi govt scraps Article 370, the romantic in me who values democracy, liberalism, fairplay, virtue of fulfilling promises, etc gets edgy. But remove the romanticism, then as an average Indian, I feel nothing. No joy, no thrill, no excitement, no sadness, no grief. Nothing. Jammu and Kashmir seems so far away and distant.

There is a reason for that. Kashmiris never mingled with the mainstream. There is no dil ka ‘connection’ with Kashmir for the ordinary Indian. But he does hear stories of horror from the jawans who come back from the state, stories of how they are targeted by the locals in the Valley, how the Kashmiris abuse the rest of India. And of course those terrorist attacks.

No struggle for autonomy or freedom can be successful unless you earn people’s sympathy, especially the outside people. You cannot take arms and money from Pakistan and hope for sympathy from the rest of India.

Jammu and Kashmir is in India only because of Jawahar Lal Nehru. Sardar Patel would have let it go, Nehru hung on as it was the land of his forefathers. The wily politician that he was, India’s first PM sugarcoated the accession as people’s will, by enlisting the support of popular leader Sheikh Abdullah. The same Nehru later jailed Sheikh Abdullah.

Mission Kashmir was started by Nehru, but is being completed by Narendra Modi.

Indira Gandhi or Rajiv Gandhi or Narasimha Rao too would have been tempted to revoke Article 370 if they were PM today. That’s because geopolitics has changed. Today a bankrupt Pakistan will hesitate to bankroll a full-fledged terror campaign in India. In any case, after the WTC attack, terrorism is seen for what it is, not as a guerrilla warfare for freedom.

Today’s India is one of the World’s biggest markets. A market everyone from the US to China needs. To that extent, Modi government’s decision will not meet the kind of resistance Nehru would have faced in 1947.

Yes, there might be turmoil in Jammu and Kashmir, with a serious threat of it spilling over to other parts of the state.

The Modi would have factored in that risk and is ready to pay the cost. The BJP will certainly profit politically from the decision to scrap Article 370. The question is can India bear the cost? We have to wait and watch. 

Lok Sabha passes 30 Bills in 2 weeks

Wholesale Defections to BJP

An Open Letter to Virat Kohli

Dear Virat Kohli,

Ten to fifteen years ago if an Indian team was unable to chase a total of 240, they would have faced hell. That team was not even the best, as yours is now. You had the best bowler and the best batsman in the world.

You have nothing to complain about. You can’t complain of red tapism. You can’t complain of divide in the team. You can’t even complain of a nasty boss, in fact you forced Anil Kumble out for your pal Ravi Shastri. You got everything you wanted, the Board would have arranged even Jawan Rum from Kerala if you wanted. You just needed to ask for it. 

Your captaincy however sucked. Your plan for the world cup was 'we score 300 or more if we bat first, we chase down whatever score they throw at us'. Very simple and easy, isn’t it? But your plan didn’t account for the one off day even the world’s best team could face.

So we had Rishab Pant and Dinesh Karthik walk in when India were 5/3, a situation where one should have had a Pujara or a Rahane bat. Basically we had three or four No. 6 batsmen but not a single solid No. 4 batsman.

Sanjay Manjrekar was wrong in saying Ravinder Jadeja was a bits and pieces player, he should have said we are a team made mostly of bits and pieces players. The semifinal proved that.

The worst thing about the team, which no one would openly say, was the swag off the field. It was as if all the other teams were there to give you a walkover. In the middle of the world cup, Ravinder Jadeja had the time and energy to pick up a fight with a commentator, he celebrated his fifty with a swordfight aimed at the commentary box. Everyone is praising him for his 77, but it only gave us an honourable exit, not a ticket to final. He will rue the shot that got him out for the rest of his life. The incomplete knock only proved what Manjrekar said. Jadeja is a bits and pieces player after all, not one who can take the team to victory. He is no Yuvraj so to say.

Mr Kohli, we lost the semifinal not just because of the ‘45 minutes of bad cricket’ as a newspaper headline put it, but because you took a Twenty20 team to win the one-day world cup.

In an environment where we demand accountability from a govt office peon to a Rahul Gandhi, it is a miracle the Indian cricket fan is seeking none from you.

Virat Kohli, we cricket fans have been very kind to you.

Thanks and regards
Jasoos Narayanan Kutty

CPM govt slams cartoon on rape suspect Bishop

Yuvraj, always the prince, never the king

Imagine the world’s best striker one on one with against a charging goalkeeper. He can chip it above the goalkeeper, he can dribble past the goalkeeper and tap it in, he can curl the ball in. He can score the goal in ‘n’ number of ways. He can miss it also in ‘n’ number of ways. That is Yuvraj Singh’s cricket career.

Yuvraj could play every shot in the textbook. Straight drive, on-drive, cover drive, square drive, square cut, late cut, leg glance, flick, hook, pull, sweep, reverse sweep… Any shot Sachin Tendulkar or Virat Kohli can play, Yuvraj could do too, at times even better than them.

His contribution to Indian cricket is underestimated. He instilled in the team the belief that they can chase down any total, no matter how big. His partnership with Mohammed Kaif that successfully crossed a 300-plus target in the Natwest trophy in England was a turning point for us in one-dayers.

He would do things when you least expect them. Like hitting six sixes in an over. And he didn’t do it in a Ranji Trophy match, but against Stuart Broad, who was England’s strike bowler, in a T20 world cup match, that too away from home.

Yuvraj played a big role in taking India to the world cup victory in 2011, scoring 4 fifties and a hundred. When his hour of glory came, he dedicated his trophies to his idol ‘paaji’ as he and his teammates fondly called Tendulkar.

He is also a fighter. He would make comebacks when nobody is giving him a chance. Whether it was cricket or cancer. The way he beat back cancer is an inspiration for thousands.

Yuvraj’s is also a story of wasted chances. His Test cricket stats do no justice to his talent. Just three hundreds in 40 Tests at an average of 33.92. Yuvraj Singh was the prince who had it in him to wear the crown, but lost it by a mile too many.

At the press conference he announced his retirement, Yuvraj could be seen painfully listing his accomplishments. He probably knows that in a country where cricket is a religion, the followers have moved on to newer gods and have no memory of him, or for that matter no time.

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Elections 2019 in a Nutshell

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Uyare, when dreams take off

We don’t come across acid attack survivors too often. But what do we feel when we do? Sympathy, fear, revulsion, sadness … ? Some would keep staring, others would try to avoid. What Uyare does is, it makes us see acid attack survivors as fellow human beings.

Uyare is the story of survival, determination and willpower.

It is a movie made for and by Parvathy (Pallavi). Barring the initial scenes as a college student performing at the youth festival, where she was a misfit, Parvathy is excellent.

So is Asif Ali (Govind), the obsessive lover. The more we dislike Govind, the more we feel for Pallavi. If Asif Ali had failed in his role, the movie would have too.

Tovino Thomas is good, Siddique as Pallavi’s father is OK and Prem Prakash as Govind’s helpless dad is very good. Anarkali Marikar as Pallavi’s friend is OK. Samyukta Menon is there for all of 10 seconds, for what we don’t know.

The good thing the film does is the acid attack survivor Pallavi doesn’t cover her face. It is empowerment and defiance. And it forces the viewer to play a role too. Unlike in real life, there is no avoiding the harsh reality, the viewer sits through, face to face with the acid attack survivor. Pallavi is looking you in the eye, and you are listening.

Uyare has its flaws. Where in the world would the owner of an airline dictate terms to the ATC? Where in the world would the ATC ask the only person to have some training at flying an aircraft to stay out of cockpit when the plane is crashing?

Uyare is a masala tearjerker with a fairytale ending, but then we wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.  

EC clean chit to Modi, Shah

When Khiladi interviewed Jasoos Kutty

7 reasons why I idolise Modi

PM Narendra Modi goes to the jungle when he wants to introspect or contemplate big issues of life like how to eat the mango. Who take so much trouble - taking a bus to the jungle, staying there for a whole week, drinking a cup of tea and waiting for nirvana to happen. I just go to the balcony and take a bottle of Jawan rum with me. I just had two double large and it got me thinking. Why am I a Modi fan? Since I am still high as I put it on paper, I will be brutally honest.

1. Modi an inspiration for the average student

Modi comes from a humble background. You will say Manmohan too was a poor chap, a victim of partition who rebuilt his life, secured a doctorate in economics from Cambridge or Oxford or wherever, headed the central bank of India and went on to become the Prime Minister. That is the difference. Modi did none of that and yet became the Prime Minister. He is an inspiration for the millions of average students like us who have grown up suffering lectures from our parents on the importance of studies. ‘Learn English and maths and you are through,’ was the common refrain. Now we know all that was not needed. If I may say, Modi is the Bill Gates of politics. 

2. Muslims have been shown their place

I ask those lecturing about secularism why should I bother about Muslims. I hardly meet any in the offices I work or where I live. I hear their population is rising. Whatsapp tells me they are always plotting something or the other. The Modi govt has shown them their place, and it doesn’t add to much. No more minority vote bank deciding who rules India. Before you accuse me of Islamophobia, let me make it clear I like the biryanis, kababs, haleem and mutton barra they make.

3. The myth of saffron terror 

Hindus don’t commit acts of terror. They only lynch or murder. Terrorism is the sole preserve of Muslims. You doubt me? Look around the globe. The US, Europe, Sri Lanka… A few people argue Muslims are the largest victims of terrorism, that ISIS has killed thousands of Muslims. That is their problem, not mine.

4. Pakistan

We Indians had so many kings and emperors in the past. Do you remember any of them for the work they did? For example do you know India was the richest country in the world under Akbar the Great. Do you talk about the religious tolerance in his kingdom. No. What you remember is the wars he waged, and ones we want to believe he lost. Even the world wars, what we know is who won, who lost, not the number of dead or the nuclear bombing or the misery the war unleashed on millions of people. Everybody loves a war. Modi promises one every now and then against an enemy who keeps needling us.

5. General knowledge

For us in school, social studies, for that matter any subject, was boring. Modi has made them exciting. Now we merrily discuss how Jawaharlal Nehru, that scoundrel of the highest order, backstabbed Subhas Chandra Bose, Sardar Patel and Mahatma Gandhi, all in one go. The study of history was never as thrilling as it is now. Forget that, we on social media now discuss the Aryan migration theory vs Aryan invasion theory vs the export of vedas theory. Had Sonia Gandhi been the PM, we would have been taking down pizza recipes from Internet.

6. Entertainment 

Modi gives us tax-free entertainment. No need to get into a car, go to the multiplex, book tickets for hundreds of rupees, needlessly munch butter-soaked popcorn. Now we eat home-made pakodas with chai while watching Rockstar Modi live on TV from wherever he is. There are times I get so thrilled by the stunts, I start shouting ‘Modi, Modi’.

7. Modi speaks our language 

Manmohan Singh, though from a humble background, spoke like an intellectual. He will talk about fiscal deficit, current account deficit, mortgage crisis, in a language ordinary people can’t use or understand. May be he did it on purpose so that Rahul Gandhi doesn’t understand either. Modi is not like that. What he wants he says upfront. He cracks jokes, which many find distasteful. See every joke comes at someone’s expense, sometimes at autistic kids’, other times at women’s. But that is how we people talk. The only thing Modi hasn’t said and the only joke he hasn’t cracked is the MC-BC variety we use liberally. Modi is one among us.

My third double large down, I feel like Karan Johar after his toast. I am going to take the fourth one now.

Lessons from Sadhvi Pragya

Chowkidar's economy lessons for Raghuram Rajan

Lucifer: Forgive them not for they knew exactly what they were doing

We all dream of doing something in life which is extraordinary, which sometimes is beyond us.

Sachin Tendulkar grew up dreaming of batting like Vivian Richards, Sehwag dreamt of batting like Tendulkar, I dream of writing like M P Narayana Pillai, quite a few of us dream of becoming a chowkidar.

Superstar Prithviraj Sukumaran dreamt of becoming a filmmaker like Shaji Kailas.

And he does that by imitating Amal Neerad.

Before going for the film I wondered why would the film be 3 hours long. Now I know why. Much of Lucifer is Stephen Nedumpally (Mohanlal) in slow motion. He walks in slow motion, he fights in slow motion, he smiles in slow motion, he gets angry in slow motion, luckily he hadn't any chance to romance. A few steamy kiss scenes in slow motion may have been some relief though.

Now Prithviraj has to realise that to make a film like Shaji Kailas, you need a script writer like Ranjith. May be he didn't get him, so he settled for Murali Gopi, who probably dreams of writing a script like Ranjith.

After Odiyan, a lot of film buffs were describing Manju Warrier as an ageless beauty. Lucifer dispels that myth. She is aging like we all do.

The film is about dynasty politics. And it comes in the middle of elections. It also pokes the CPM for its violent politics. These are the two pressing issues Kerala faces, and probably India. The film makes a passing reference to a so called horde of religious fundamentalists knocking on the doors of Kerala, which is being used as an excuse for money making by the villainous politicians of the state.

You know where the writer's sympathies lay, no issues with that.

My request to Mohanlal and Prithviraj fans: forgive them not for they knew exactly what they were doing.

If any Mohanlal or Prithviraj fanatic is upset with this review, all I say is "Po mone Dinesha" for want of a better dialogue to borrow from Stephen Nedumpally.

Chowkidar Narayanoski Kieślowski is a Modi bhakt. Here is why

I am Jasoos Narayanoski Kieślowski. Over the last five years I have been watching from miles away a rare talent bloom in India.

First I was dismissive, then skeptical, but now I am a converted bhakt.

If there is one person I would pick to make a film to save my life , it would be Narendra Damodardas Modi. The best part is while his direction might look like Bollywood masala, if you keep watching again and again, the production will grow on you, and you get to see the deeper art, economics and politics of it all.

Now more than art and politics, I am more impressed by his innovative economics.

He will scrap 500 and 1000 rupee notes in the same way he finishes a piece of dhokla. He will kill jobs surveys, he will change growth calculation parameters -- like Kudiyan paramu finishes a double large in a single gulp.

There is a method in this madness.

Even I, despite all my powers of deduction and seduction, would have missed the big picture. After weeks of drinking whiskeys -- didn’t I tell you I have stopped drinking rum for health reasons -- and smoking joints, everything became clear, crystal clear.

Now I will clear your doubts one by one.

Let us take jobs for instance. We all agree maximum jobs are in the informal sector. The NSSO survey doesn’t cover it as well as it should. Yesterday at the maidan I saw a harmless game of cricket between Mulla XI and Sanghi XI - these days that is how they name their teams. And they were playing for money. It was a clear economic activity at the end of which one side would get richer by 1000 rupees, the other poorer by 1000 rupees. A proper business transaction with a profit and loss balance sheet which has not been recorded by any official mechanism.

Or for that matter the three people who were playing cards for money. Do you think any man ow woman with self-respect man would admit he earns his living playing teen patti. Does NSSO survey capture all this? Nah.

And why this obsession with money. Every bit of action and inaction has an economic value. A man sleeping in the park gets mental piece which definitely is worth the 1000 or 2000 rupees he would have otherwise earned doing some other work. By that logic sleeping on the park bench qualifies to be a job. And it definitely needs to reflect on GDP numbers, job surveys and happiness index.

You may laugh at Modi but at your own risk. His theory of climate change was derided when he proposed it to the international community, but a recent study has proved what he said beyond any doubt. The pathbreaking research has found climate change doesn’t affect human beings as they just adapt to the changes. For instance if the winter gets longer they just buy a few more sweaters or if the summers get hotter, they buy a few more air-conditioners. Homo sapiens may later grow fur or shed skin as the case might be.

Modi right now is spearheading the world’s biggest job generation exercise, hitherto unseen. At a scale never imagined before.

Let me explain.

The first thing that came to Modi’s notice when he came to power was India’s manufacturing that was in dire straits. He immediately started work on it by promoting chaiwalas. Suddenly there was a spurt in business, people lined up to sell tea. But that wasn’t enough. So he promoted pakodewalas.

There might be people who label these as services but in reality it is manufacturing. It doesn’t matter if we make pakodas or Rafale jets or super computers as long as we make something.

The economic model however was not sustainable. We had two sets of manufacturers who had started bartering in the absence of real customers.

India needed a leap in the services sector. That is where chowkidars fit in. Now we have a whole new class that will buy stuff manufactured by chaiwalas and pakorewalas.

Chowkidars were the missing piece in the Modinomics riddle.

The best part is every citizen gets to become a chowkidar. Just imagine Chowkidar Bhiku, a beggar by profession, walking up to Chowkidar Ambani or Chowkidar Adani, put his arms around their shoulders, and say “Tumhari chowkidari kaise chal rahi hai?” And they would reply with all humility and respect, “Modiji ke kripa se bahut achchi chal rahi hai.” All this under the watchful eyes of Chowkidar Yeddyurappa and Chowkidar Arun Jaitley.

Politicians, business tycoons, rape suspects, scamsters, racketers, teachers, honest tax payers, honest tax evaders, poets, actors, singers, underworld gangsters… all under one roof.

The chowkidari system is the biggest social experiment the world has seen.

Modi has achieved in five years what the Communists and Gandhians toiled for a century and failed. He certainly deserves a Nobel for entire economics.

Modi is Douglas Jardine and Bradman rolled into one

Elections are to Narendra Modi what runs were to Sir Donald Bradman. Except, cricket was a gentleman’s game then, and there was never anything gentlemanly about politics.

Modi will do anything to win elections. He will stand tall one second, he will stoop low the next.

The airstrike on Balakot marked a big shift in India’s strategy in the fight against terror and its chief sponsor Pakistan. For the first time Indian Air Force jets crossed the line of control since 1971. But for the BJP, it wasn’t good enough. They needed to a put number to the kill, a number good enough for their 56 chaathi leader. So they said 300 terrorists killed, though the govt officially never mentioned it.

That is Modi’s style. Now endless memes and fake news videos will be circulated in the most effective election tools of our age, that is Whatsapp and Facebook.
And people generally believe whatever they get on whatsapp. 2019 could well be an election which will be decided by fake news and innuendos.

That much is evident from Modi’s statements since the air raid. He is already asking people ‘are you with us or them’, bracketing the opposition with terrorists. No one has done this before, probably no one will do later.

The opposition’s challenge is to find a leader who can pay Modi back in the same coin. Someone who can be as mean, as arrogant, as angry, and at times as witty as Modi. And that somebody must speak Hindi. Hindi heartland is where the BJP needs to be defeated if opposition fancies any chance of winning power.

What are their options then?

Nitish Kumar was a good bet, but he chose to sleep with the enemy.

Lalu Yadav could have done it, but he is in jail.

Akhilesh Yadav has the ability, but his popularity is restricted to UP.

Kanhaiya Kumar can do it, but he is in the wrong party, and lacks stature.

You are left with Rahul Gandhi.

Rahul has many strengths. He appears sincere, has a boyish charm. He has his weaknesses too. He can’t be mean even if he wanted to. He can’t be witty, that doesn’t come naturally to him.

They are left with one person who could do the job. Priyanka Vadra. For some strange reason the Congress has restricted her to some 35 seats in UP, where they in any case don’t stand a chance to win much. Any gain the Congress makes there will only weaken the SP-BSP and help the BJP. The party is saving its brahmastra for bigger battles ahead which makes one wonder what can be a bigger fight than the Lok Sabha election.

Like I said, votes are to Modi, what runs were to Bradman.

Modi however is more than that. He doesn’t play by the rules. Modi wants to make the 2019 elections presidential. He is telling the voter, it is either me or that dimwit Rahul. To hammer this message, he can go to any extent. He will call Rahul mentally retarded, that is what he meant when he called his rival dyslexic, pardon his ignorance and insensitivity. He will call Rahul anti-national, don’t be surprised if one of these days he calls him a terrorist as well.

Whatsapp and social media have made politics as thrilling as a Twenty20 match. And just like we appreciate Virat Kohli giving it back to the Aussies, society as a whole, especially middle class, like the crass sledging Modi and his teammates indulge in.

Modi is ready to play dirty to win a match, whether it is underarm bowling or bodyline bowling. Modi is Douglas Jardine and Bradman rolled into one. Now that is a combo hard to match, tough to beat.

Kumbalangi musings

Kumbalangi Nights, where the days are never boring. There is always some action, good or bad.

A family of brothers not on good terms mostly, two of them lazy, one a mute, and the fourth a school student - Kumbalangi Nights is their story.

Along the way you get glimpses of Kerala’s societal issues like moral policing and voluntary unemployment (a word coined by Bibek Debroy), alcoholism, suicides.

It’s a simple story, a simple script, a simple movie.

All the actors do their bit very well, the newcomers included.

To Fahadh Faasil’s credit, he is still not caught in the trappings of superstardom. He is willing to share screen space, even cede space to, capable actors like Shane Nigam, who could well be a superstar in the making, and Soubin Shahir.

Anna Ben as Babymol is cute. The ease with which she plays down an inter-religion marriage saying, “so what, Christ is no stranger to us”, was kola mass.

Kumbalangi Nights ticks all the boxes. It might even appeal to an overseas audience. But that is it. It is a good movie - good but not great.

We expect a lot more from the Dileesh Pothan stable. May I say ‘yeh dil maange more.’ 

CAG's Report on Rafale Explained

A gazillion reasons why Priyanka will fail, and one reason why she may not

In our childhood we rarely got to eat out. Once in a while we would go to nearby arrack shops to eat beef or mutton. Now, because it is a rare occasion, we cherished those visits. So much so, we wouldn’t use the soap to wash our hands in order to preserve the aroma of the spicy food. Every now and then we would smell our hands and relive the taste.

When Priyanka Gandhi campaigned in Bellary for her mother in 1999 against Sushma Swaraj, she broke the security cordon to interact with women and kids. All she did was shake hands or pat the cheeks, but the recipients of the affection were left in awe and admiration. The joke then was that those who got to shake hands with her, including journalists, didn’t wash their hands to savour the perfume she was wearing.

That was then. The Bellary of 2019 is not the Bellary of 1999. What was then a poverty-ridden countryside is now home to millionaires who rode the wave of liberalisation and mining scams. The region has a thriving middle class today.

What I mean is India has changed. The Congress is not going improve its tally in Uttar Pradesh just because Priyanka Gandhi is going to campaign for them.

A Congress bhakt can argue Priyanka is sundar and susheel, but then so are Priyanka Chopra and Deepika Padukone. Would they win elections for a party because they are sundar and susheel?

The surname? The less said the better.

As things stand now, even the big daddy of Gandhis - Mohandas Karamchand -- will not win an election in UP, if he were to contest today. You would call me ignorant and stupid for saying so, but damn it, there are enough BJP bhakts who believe the Mahatma lent the Gandhi surname to Feroze so that Indira could spawn a dynasty.

Priyanka’s resemblance to Indira is also of no use. Those days people had to stand in long queues every month for their share of ration and felt in debt to the Iron Lady for providing do waqt ki roti. Those very exact people are now above 60 and would add up to less than 10% of the population.

The rest have heard stories of Indira of winning a war against Pakistan, but have also heard stories of how she didn’t keep the spoils of the war. They have also heard stories of licence raj, bank nationalisation, etc , etc… No matter what the Gandhi family says, this lot would rather believe a Modi when he says he spends 5 days in a jungle every year or he does yoga every day or he killed a crocodile as a child (which his bhakts claim).

Why go back, there is enough evidence to suggest Priyanka’s campaigns won’t work. She did campaign in 2014. You can’t say it doesn’t count as she limited herself to Amethi, these days you don’t need to physically campaign in remote locations, television and social media are there to spread the message. More recently she campaigned for brother Rahul and Akhilesh in 2017. What came of it?

That doesn’t mean it’s a hopeless scenario.

A journalist once described Priyanka’s role in politics so far, as that of an item girl, but she has now graduated to the main cast. It certainly brings some opportunities for the Congress.

Rahul is not a natural when it comes to countering Modi’s attacks, especially when he gets personal. The Congress president has countered that weakness by being the ‘good boy'. With Priyanka, she is capable of payback. And she is a woman. Even a Modi will think twice before passing a comment on her.

If the Congress denies BJP a majority in 2019, it will not because Priyanka entered politics, but because people are unhappy with Modi. Priyanka’s job, Rahul’s as well, will be to tap this frustration and expose the rival effectively.

The Gandhi surname can help Rahul become the president, and Priyanka become the general secretary, of the Indian National Congress, but people of India don’t vote for them anymore because they are Gandhis.

Rafale deal for Dummies