Make 2024 Modi vs Priyanka and get me the popcorn

This Sunday something extraordinary happened. The entire counting day, I did not have a single drop of whiskey. You will be wondering if I had vodka or gin, but let me assure you I did not touch alcohol. And it helped me see the elections for what they are. So here are my takeaways, not coloured by any shades of the bottle.

Modi magic

For the first time since 2014, Narendra Modi was not the biggest factor in an election. Unlike earlier elections, we didn’t see planted reports in the media that claimed how Modi turned things around in the last one week with his magnificent oratory and spectacular roadshows. One big sign that even the BJP was cagey about putting the PM in the front. But seeing how things turned out, Modi won the elections for the BJP in two states - in Rajasthan and Chhattisgarh, where ED too probably did its bit with its election-eve raids and arrests. Madhya Pradesh was won by a cornered Shivraj Singh Chouhan.

The 3-0 sweep of Hindi heartland however has added further to the Modi aura. It will inspire BJP voters and workers and demotivate Congress workers. Invincible Modi is the branding that is getting traction.


Cong clueless in Madhya Pradesh

If Chhindwara was a state, then Kamal Nath would be its CM. The trouble is Chhindwara is not a state, and outside of Chhindwara, Kamal Nath doesn’t have much appeal. Kamal Nath has been around since 1975 when emergency was imposed. If he had to become a CM, he would have become one in the 50 years or so he has been in politics. The other leader Digvijaya Singh, became a CM in his 40s. He is keeping the seat warm for his son, possibly to make a serious bid for power in the next elections. In 2018, the Congress had all the regions covered with the Scindia-Digvijaya-Kamal Nath trio. But after the elections, the old guard smoked out Scindia or Scindia walked out for a bungalow and power in Delhi, whichever version you want to believe. Priyanka Gandhi Vadra was their best bet, and the punt failed.

Hindutva

2014 was a vote for Vikas, 2019 was a vote for Hindutva-plus, but 2024 will be a vote on governance. Many analysts will say the Congress lost the three states in the Hindi heartland because of Hindutva, because of Udhayanidhi Stalin’s comment on Sanatan Dharma. That is the easiest excuse to make. The Congress vote share in Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh and Chhattisgarh has remained roughly the same. No Hindus switched their votes from the Congress to punish the party and save the religion. In Rajasthan and Madhya Pradesh, the vote share of other parties came down and the BJP was the beneficiary. Leaders like Kamal Nath, Bhupesh Baghel feared Hindutva so much, they got busy making schemes for gauraksha and gobar and lost the larger plot.

We should remember that Indira Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi, P.V. Narasimha Rao – all of them pandered to Hindu sentiments. Sonia Gandhi brought a kind of liberalism into politics which helped the BJP play the “Hindu khatre me” card. She also brought in the concept of rights-based governance in a society where people are used to mai-baap culture. Ten years later, the BJP has occupied the national party space, reducing the Congress to a few states.

Today the non-core Hindu voters of the BJP feel their religion is safe under Modi, they are voting for Modi because they think he is doing a great job. Now, what you think are failures of the Modi govt in matters of governance are being seen as good policy by these voters. Remember even deaths during second Covid wave and demonetization did not change the view of these voters despite suffering so much pain and loss.

Hindutva has run its course. It has saturated in many parts but will find some growth areas too. But if the BJP wins 2024 it will be because the voter likes Modi’s governance.

North-South divide

The North-South divide is real and has been there forever. Make no mistake, Hindutva has takers in South India too. At some point the BJP will open its account in Kerala and it could become the principal opposition in Telangana or Andhra Pradesh. Hindutva can help the BJP attain a critical mass, like in Karnataka, but the party will have to look beyond Hindutva to rule the southern states.

One reason is that people of these states have strong feelings about their culture. Any attempt to impose one shade of Hinduism will meet with stiff resistance from them.

The Congress, however, can’t give the North-South divide as a reason for their failings. Instead they should export the energy and enthusiasm shown by its cadres and leaders in Karnataka and Telangana to north India.

After all what is the use of contesting elections if you have already given up the fight? If that is the case Congress might as well shut shop and go home.

Caste census

The caste card remains the biggest antidote to Hindutva. Analysts will say it didn’t work in Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan and Chhattisgarh. These states though were not affected by the caste politics in the Nineties though, why should they be now? Caste census is an issue for Uttar Pradesh and Bihar, the original Mandal vs Mandir battleground. More than the Congress, it is an issue tailormade for parties like the SP and RJD.

Priyanka factor

Priyanka Gandhi Vadra remains the best communicator the Congress has. Rahul Gandhi can walk all that he wants, but he is unable to send his message across effectively. His image among many Congress sympathizers is that of a ‘nice boy not meant for politics’.

Unlike Rahul, whose every statement is distorted, his sister has a knack of effectively countering her rivals’ political attacks. Her punchy dialogues at election rallies in Karnataka have defanged the victim card played by Modi very often during elections. She merely asked, “How can a man who has been in power for so many years, flies superjets, come to you complaining about insults instead of listening to your troubles?”

Brand Priyanka is no match for Brand Modi, but it is the best Cong has today.

Only Rahul can stop Modi, but will he?

Even during my toughest missions in the remotest areas hunting down enemies, even when I am busy seducing or being seduced by pretty spies and operatives of all kinds, even when I am getting drunk on arrack and rum, even when I am experimenting with truth, half truths and innocent lies… I don’t take my eyes off my primary objective – that is world peace. But that is not the case with Rahul Gandhi.

Rahul is a nice chap. A handsome old young man with no known vices and quite a tharavadi. In short,  sundar and susheel. Qualities any parent would seek when looking for a match for their daughter.  Now the problem is he is not seeking a bride but looking for votes, enough of them to unseat Narendra Modi in 2024 or even 2028.

Nothing he has done till now gives his fans the confidence he will be able to do it.

Look at this. Rahul goes to Bihar where Tejashwi is working up huge crowds with his promise of 10 lakh govt jobs and what does he do? He starts talking about demonetization. Agreed note ban was a blunder of gigantic proportions, but people have moved on, and don’t seem to mind the trouble DeMo brought on them. 

For Rahul, somewhere the fight has become personal.

He probably hates the PM who has slapped cases against the entire Gandhi family and bad-mouths the dynasty starting from Jawaharlal Nehru. Naturally so.  But he was not out there seeking votes to settle a personal score.

He probably thinks 'how does that dumbo rule the country while I sit in the opposition', but then the BJP says Rahul is the dumbo, and unfortunately for Rahul, the voter seems to share that view.

To be a politician you have to have two necessary qualities. One, he or she must be a good communicator. Rahul is not. Two, he or she has to be a cunning backroom player. 

If the BJP can build a Hindu umbrella alliance, who is stopping the Congress from a forming a Brahmin-Dalit-Muslim tieup in let us say, Uttar Pradesh.

If BJP can split votes by fielding Asaduddin Owaisi, as the Congress claims, what is stopping the Congress doing something similar to the BJP.

Rahul is neither a communicator nor a cunning operator.

Like I have written in a post earlier, a Priyanka or a Rahul won’t win the elections for the Congress just because they are a Gandhi. We have moved on from the dynasty and it’s time the party and the family realized that.

I don’t know if Priyanka can revive the party, but from the 11 years we have seen of Rahul, we can safely conclude he can’t.

Every time he joins a protest or supports a cause, the BJP is able to dodge the bullet.

For example the current farmer protests have cornered the Narendra Modi govt and what stands out is Rahul’s absence.

Rahul Gandhi must focus on the objective.

If the aim is to remove Narendra Modi from the throne, then Rahul must abdicate and let someone else lead the Congress into the next election.

If the aim is to be the chocolate boy of Indian politics, he has won the title hands down. It’s time he let someone else take a shot at that title too.

The Great Migrant March

JNU under attack

Faiz Ahmad Faiz haazir ho

Jasoos Narayanan Kutty has scooped the report of the investigation committee that probed whether Faiz’s poem Hum Dekhenge is anti-Hindu. Excerpts from the report are given below.

Translation of Faiz’s lines under investigation

From the House of God
Every idol will be removed
We, the pure, the faithful
Who were barred from His house
Will be made kings
Their crowns will be flung in the air
And thrones will be smashed
We shall bear witness

Critical analysis by investigation committee

From the House of God
Was it vaastu compliant?
Since the poem was written in Pakistan, chances are it didn’t follow any features prescribed by vaastu shastra for a healthy and meaningful life.

Every idol will be removed
What is the reference?
Is Faiz alluding to ordinary idols like Narendra Modi, Sachin Tendulkar, Shah Rukh Khan? The verse per se doesn’t elaborate. The poet has mischievously left it open-ended. He could well be referring to a ruler, but it can’t also be ruled out he might be referring to Ram or Durga for that matter.         

We, the pure, the faithful
Who are ‘we’?
Does ‘we’ indicate the people or believers of a particular faith?

Who were barred from His house
OK, someone closed a door on someone. That doesn’t mean we write a poem on that. Free speech my foot.

Will be made kings
Even harbouring such thoughts of becoming a monarch goes against the very foundation of our Constitution - that is democracy, equality, liberty. Totally not done.

Their crowns will be flung in the air
If their crowns are flung in the air, does it mean the new ruler will have to buy a new crown. If that is so, who pays for it? Wasteful expenditure, recommend a CAG audit of the poem.

And thrones will be smashed
Again totally unnecessary. If it’s a functional throne, why smash it? All this smells very fishy, like a scam in the making. Dal mein kuch kala hai.       

We shall bear witness
And do nothing? These people are material witness to destruction of public property and the poet is asking them to stay silent and - even more shameful - support the criminal act. That amounts to conspiracy and tampering with evidence. A notice should be issued to Faiz to recover the cost of crown and throne if and when they are thrown and smashed.

Conclusion
The police have not been able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the poem ‘Hum Dekhenge’ by Faiz Ahmed Faiz is against Hinduism, and by extension, India. But some logical reasoning by this committee has proved beyond reasonable doubt Faiz’s intentions were suspicious. There are many gaping holes in the poem which leave it to interpretation. The committee hereby decides to summon Faiz for questioning. It may be noted this is India, and the poet can’t plead the Fifth Amendment if he chooses to depose before the committee.

Five Reasons Why PM Modi's CAA Helps Economy

The popular perception is that the Narendra Modi govt has amended the citizenship law to keep illegal Muslim migrants out. This will polarise the society further and lead to more consolidation of Hindus, enabling a bigger victory in 2024. Abki baar, chaar so paar.

All that might be true, but that will only be a side effect. There must be a bigger picture, the jasoos in me thought. A visionary like Narendra Modi wouldn't do something that affects the lives of 135 crore people for a few handful of votes. Not unless it is in some way for the welfare of the 135 crore people.

This got me thinking. My week-long study of classified documents and interactions with the most powerful people who oil the wheels of the govt have led me to some startling revelations. Here is the gist of my research.

1. National security

India's security forces, especially the state police, hardly have any work or rather hardly do any work. Most are pot-bellied, though they would like us to believe it is some special muscle they have developed over the years by consuming high-protein diet that incidentally comes wrapped in fat. A little bit of action like a lathicharge will do them no harm. Many of them have no shooting practice. Mob violence gives the police a chance to practise what they learnt in the classrooms. Days or months after the protests die down, the Indian police force will be vastly improved and fighting fit.

2. Pakodanomics

The security angle is happenstance. More important is the effect these protests have on the economy. Everyone knows we are following the award winning economic theory called Pakodanomics. As has been explained in these pages earlier, pakodanomics has led to serious imbalance between supply and demand. Every economist on the planet agrees consumption is at the lowest in India in decades. What it means is we have too many people making pakodas and too few eating the pakodas that are getting made. The protests provide a unique opportunity for pakoda sellers, they are getting a ready-made market. Needless to say pakodas are selling like hot cakes in Shaheen Bagh, India Gate, Azad Maidan, Marine Drive, etc.

Consumption slump is a thing of the past, now please don't say we don't have enough supply. The govt can only solve one problem at a time.

3. Oil and gas 

Arvind Subramanian is a smart ass. He spent years as chief economic advisor to the finance minister but never made any public comment against any policy against demonetization. Instead he stayed under the radar collecting data for his research for the next 10 years. Economists like him point to the reduction in fuel consumption to prove there is a slowdown. That is not a big issue at all. Today I took 40 minutes to cover 3 km in my car. Imagine millions of cars stuck in traffic jams caused by anti-CAA protests. Fuel consumption jumps, oil firms profit, consumption all around. Everybody is a winner. 

4. Stimulus

The protests and the crackdown create a sort of stimulus for the economy. The pharma sector gets a big boost. Just imagine the business hospitals are doing now with all the injured flocking there. A bandage here, a surgery there sends the hospital cash registers ringing.

I admit the country's telecom sector is facing a serious crisis. A couple of companies may shut down,  a few thousand people may lose their jobs, but the govt is on the job. It will certainly find a way to use the protests to aid the ailing telcos.

You don't believe me, just look at the Sensex. It is above 41,000 points. They know their business. There can be no better proof.

Postscript: This is a study in progress. If you know Reason No. 5, please do share.

Anti-Citizenship Amendment Act Protests Escalate Across India

Citizenship Law Rewritten, Right to Equality Redefined

A Malayalee Hindu’s Confession on Citizenship Bill

The Citizenship Amendment Bill is now law. Many of my colleagues on twitter say they feel sad, scared, angry, disappointed. I feel no such emotion.

And why should I? It doesn’t affect me. I am a Hindu. I don't know why Muslims are upset. They are not losing citizenship or anything.

And these protests in the Northeast! To be honest, where is the Northeast? It seems somewhere back of the beyond. I have never been there. I don’t see the region becoming a job hub in the foreseeable future. If and when I go, it will be as a tourist. I will click a few photos to keep at home, a reminder of a good trip.

To be honest I don’t know how many states are there in the Northeast. That would be an exaggeration, there are Seven Sisters. Is Sikkim one of the sisters or a distant cousin or neither? I don’t know.

I learnt the capitals of the seven states to score marks in GK. That done, I readily forgot them the moment I passed out.   

I mean who cares about the Northeast? If it wasn’t for the blank cheque, err passport, for illegal Hindu immigrants and a babaji ka thullu, isn’t that what Kapil Sharma says, for illegal Muslim immigrants, we wouldn’t be wasting any airtime or ink on the Northeast.
You don’t believe me?

Manipur was blockaded for nearly 5 months - that is almost half the year - a couple of years ago. Did anyone notice it? Did anyone cover the news?

Irom Sharmila, a resident of Manipur, was on a hunger strike for 16 years demanding removal of AFSPA. Hardly anyone noticed. AFSPA is still in force in Manipur. Irom just gave up her fight and got married. Her wedding made more headlines than the fast. BTW, she also lost an election somewhere in between. It would be wrong to say nothing fruitful came out of Irom’s hunger strike. A few people wrote her biographies and she got the title ‘Iron Lady’.

This is how much we Indians care for the Northeast.

I don’t know much about CAB, but what I know is it was in the BJP’s manifesto and the party swept the Northeast. It means the people of the region want the law, right? I may be wrong, but I have already admitted I give a damn about the place.

That is not to say I am a heartless soul. I have deep affection for people and things Northeastern. Just like I relish Hyderabadi biryani and mutton kababs, I like momos and red chutney. They are good touchings for rum. Not to speak of the people. They make for wonderful drinking buddies.

Now you know why I don’t feel sad, scared, angry or disappointed over the citizenship bill.

Prime Minister Narendra Modi has mastered one trick. Us versus them. And this ‘us’ is always a lot more significant in numbers than the ‘them’.

At some point, the party’s gaze will turn to Kerala. It fits the bill. Small state. Sizeable Muslim population. Just 20 Lok Sabha seats which the party anyway doesn’t win. It could come in the form of a countrywide beef ban for example. Us versus them.

That is when I will feel sad, scared, angry, disappointed.

World Exclusive: Transcript of hacked WhatsApp chat out

Demonetisation of Bharat Ratna

Every time a Bharat Ratna is announced, the first thing a journalist does is look at the winner’s caste, religion, state, mother tongue, etc to decipher the logic behind the honour.

So when Pranab Mukherjee wins it, it is an outreach to Bengal, an insult to the Congress, which apparently didn’t do justice to his talent and a reward for visiting the RSS headquarters.

The ratna to Bhupen Hazarika is an outreach to the Northeast, the one to Sachin Tendulkar is to win the support of the youth, the honour for Lata Mangeshkar is well, how can anyone say no to Lata tai?

The point is Bharat Ratna has been devalued beyond repair. It is not anymore an award to honour builders of modern India.

So we have given Bharat Ratna to Lata Mangeshkar for singing songs, thousands of them. Her songs entertained us, no doubt.

Her songs made us happy or sad, philosophic or patriotic, depending on our varying moods. If she wasn’t there, Suman Kalyanpur would have done that, or someone else. May be Asha Bhonsle.

Sachin Tendulkar got a Bharat Ratna for scoring centuries, exactly 100 of them. He also entertained us. If he didn’t play cricket, we would have had some other cricketer as our icon.

The country honoured a few classical musicians as well. One of them apparently put pressure on the govt, another got it because he was senior and more accomplished than the earlier winner.
Now there is another fad.

My freedom fighter vs your freedom fighter. So we are looking up history books to confer awards on heroes of the independence movement.

After Madan Mohan Malviya, we will be giving one to Veer Savarkar soon. One day I hope one of my great grandfathers also gets one. A Bharat Ratna in the showcase is always a matter of pride.

Ask why Verghese Kurien and E Sreedharan haven’t got it yet. They are nation builders, not entertainers or freedom fighters. We are sticklers for standards.

BJP to honour Veer Savarkar with Bharat Ratna

Solution for Slowdown

Mission Kashmir: Modi Finishes What Nehru Started

Many years ago one of my distant relatives went in search of his father who had abandoned the family. He met him, but his father wasn’t willing to return. The young man kept travelling till he reached Nagaland, where he married a tribal woman and settled down. He returned to Kerala decades later, after his wife died. 

Such heart-warming stories are rare when it comes to Kashmir.

When the Narendra Modi govt scraps Article 370, the romantic in me who values democracy, liberalism, fairplay, virtue of fulfilling promises, etc gets edgy. But remove the romanticism, then as an average Indian, I feel nothing. No joy, no thrill, no excitement, no sadness, no grief. Nothing. Jammu and Kashmir seems so far away and distant.

There is a reason for that. Kashmiris never mingled with the mainstream. There is no dil ka ‘connection’ with Kashmir for the ordinary Indian. But he does hear stories of horror from the jawans who come back from the state, stories of how they are targeted by the locals in the Valley, how the Kashmiris abuse the rest of India. And of course those terrorist attacks.

No struggle for autonomy or freedom can be successful unless you earn people’s sympathy, especially the outside people. You cannot take arms and money from Pakistan and hope for sympathy from the rest of India.

Jammu and Kashmir is in India only because of Jawahar Lal Nehru. Sardar Patel would have let it go, Nehru hung on as it was the land of his forefathers. The wily politician that he was, India’s first PM sugarcoated the accession as people’s will, by enlisting the support of popular leader Sheikh Abdullah. The same Nehru later jailed Sheikh Abdullah.

Mission Kashmir was started by Nehru, but is being completed by Narendra Modi.

Indira Gandhi or Rajiv Gandhi or Narasimha Rao too would have been tempted to revoke Article 370 if they were PM today. That’s because geopolitics has changed. Today a bankrupt Pakistan will hesitate to bankroll a full-fledged terror campaign in India. In any case, after the WTC attack, terrorism is seen for what it is, not as a guerrilla warfare for freedom.

Today’s India is one of the World’s biggest markets. A market everyone from the US to China needs. To that extent, Modi government’s decision will not meet the kind of resistance Nehru would have faced in 1947.

Yes, there might be turmoil in Jammu and Kashmir, with a serious threat of it spilling over to other parts of the state.

The Modi would have factored in that risk and is ready to pay the cost. The BJP will certainly profit politically from the decision to scrap Article 370. The question is can India bear the cost? We have to wait and watch. 

Wholesale Defections to BJP

SuperModi's Wants Sabka Vishwas

Chowkidar Narayanoski Kieślowski is a Modi bhakt. Here is why

I am Jasoos Narayanoski Kieślowski. Over the last five years I have been watching from miles away a rare talent bloom in India.

First I was dismissive, then skeptical, but now I am a converted bhakt.

If there is one person I would pick to make a film to save my life , it would be Narendra Damodardas Modi. The best part is while his direction might look like Bollywood masala, if you keep watching again and again, the production will grow on you, and you get to see the deeper art, economics and politics of it all.

Now more than art and politics, I am more impressed by his innovative economics.

He will scrap 500 and 1000 rupee notes in the same way he finishes a piece of dhokla. He will kill jobs surveys, he will change growth calculation parameters -- like Kudiyan paramu finishes a double large in a single gulp.

There is a method in this madness.

Even I, despite all my powers of deduction and seduction, would have missed the big picture. After weeks of drinking whiskeys -- didn’t I tell you I have stopped drinking rum for health reasons -- and smoking joints, everything became clear, crystal clear.

Now I will clear your doubts one by one.

Let us take jobs for instance. We all agree maximum jobs are in the informal sector. The NSSO survey doesn’t cover it as well as it should. Yesterday at the maidan I saw a harmless game of cricket between Mulla XI and Sanghi XI - these days that is how they name their teams. And they were playing for money. It was a clear economic activity at the end of which one side would get richer by 1000 rupees, the other poorer by 1000 rupees. A proper business transaction with a profit and loss balance sheet which has not been recorded by any official mechanism.

Or for that matter the three people who were playing cards for money. Do you think any man ow woman with self-respect man would admit he earns his living playing teen patti. Does NSSO survey capture all this? Nah.

And why this obsession with money. Every bit of action and inaction has an economic value. A man sleeping in the park gets mental piece which definitely is worth the 1000 or 2000 rupees he would have otherwise earned doing some other work. By that logic sleeping on the park bench qualifies to be a job. And it definitely needs to reflect on GDP numbers, job surveys and happiness index.

You may laugh at Modi but at your own risk. His theory of climate change was derided when he proposed it to the international community, but a recent study has proved what he said beyond any doubt. The pathbreaking research has found climate change doesn’t affect human beings as they just adapt to the changes. For instance if the winter gets longer they just buy a few more sweaters or if the summers get hotter, they buy a few more air-conditioners. Homo sapiens may later grow fur or shed skin as the case might be.

Modi right now is spearheading the world’s biggest job generation exercise, hitherto unseen. At a scale never imagined before.

Let me explain.

The first thing that came to Modi’s notice when he came to power was India’s manufacturing that was in dire straits. He immediately started work on it by promoting chaiwalas. Suddenly there was a spurt in business, people lined up to sell tea. But that wasn’t enough. So he promoted pakodewalas.

There might be people who label these as services but in reality it is manufacturing. It doesn’t matter if we make pakodas or Rafale jets or super computers as long as we make something.

The economic model however was not sustainable. We had two sets of manufacturers who had started bartering in the absence of real customers.

India needed a leap in the services sector. That is where chowkidars fit in. Now we have a whole new class that will buy stuff manufactured by chaiwalas and pakorewalas.

Chowkidars were the missing piece in the Modinomics riddle.

The best part is every citizen gets to become a chowkidar. Just imagine Chowkidar Bhiku, a beggar by profession, walking up to Chowkidar Ambani or Chowkidar Adani, put his arms around their shoulders, and say “Tumhari chowkidari kaise chal rahi hai?” And they would reply with all humility and respect, “Modiji ke kripa se bahut achchi chal rahi hai.” All this under the watchful eyes of Chowkidar Yeddyurappa and Chowkidar Arun Jaitley.

Politicians, business tycoons, rape suspects, scamsters, racketers, teachers, honest tax payers, honest tax evaders, poets, actors, singers, underworld gangsters… all under one roof.

The chowkidari system is the biggest social experiment the world has seen.

Modi has achieved in five years what the Communists and Gandhians toiled for a century and failed. He certainly deserves a Nobel for entire economics.

A gazillion reasons why Priyanka will fail, and one reason why she may not

In our childhood we rarely got to eat out. Once in a while we would go to nearby arrack shops to eat beef or mutton. Now, because it is a rare occasion, we cherished those visits. So much so, we wouldn’t use the soap to wash our hands in order to preserve the aroma of the spicy food. Every now and then we would smell our hands and relive the taste.

When Priyanka Gandhi campaigned in Bellary for her mother in 1999 against Sushma Swaraj, she broke the security cordon to interact with women and kids. All she did was shake hands or pat the cheeks, but the recipients of the affection were left in awe and admiration. The joke then was that those who got to shake hands with her, including journalists, didn’t wash their hands to savour the perfume she was wearing.

That was then. The Bellary of 2019 is not the Bellary of 1999. What was then a poverty-ridden countryside is now home to millionaires who rode the wave of liberalisation and mining scams. The region has a thriving middle class today.

What I mean is India has changed. The Congress is not going improve its tally in Uttar Pradesh just because Priyanka Gandhi is going to campaign for them.

A Congress bhakt can argue Priyanka is sundar and susheel, but then so are Priyanka Chopra and Deepika Padukone. Would they win elections for a party because they are sundar and susheel?

The surname? The less said the better.

As things stand now, even the big daddy of Gandhis - Mohandas Karamchand -- will not win an election in UP, if he were to contest today. You would call me ignorant and stupid for saying so, but damn it, there are enough BJP bhakts who believe the Mahatma lent the Gandhi surname to Feroze so that Indira could spawn a dynasty.

Priyanka’s resemblance to Indira is also of no use. Those days people had to stand in long queues every month for their share of ration and felt in debt to the Iron Lady for providing do waqt ki roti. Those very exact people are now above 60 and would add up to less than 10% of the population.

The rest have heard stories of Indira of winning a war against Pakistan, but have also heard stories of how she didn’t keep the spoils of the war. They have also heard stories of licence raj, bank nationalisation, etc , etc… No matter what the Gandhi family says, this lot would rather believe a Modi when he says he spends 5 days in a jungle every year or he does yoga every day or he killed a crocodile as a child (which his bhakts claim).

Why go back, there is enough evidence to suggest Priyanka’s campaigns won’t work. She did campaign in 2014. You can’t say it doesn’t count as she limited herself to Amethi, these days you don’t need to physically campaign in remote locations, television and social media are there to spread the message. More recently she campaigned for brother Rahul and Akhilesh in 2017. What came of it?

That doesn’t mean it’s a hopeless scenario.

A journalist once described Priyanka’s role in politics so far, as that of an item girl, but she has now graduated to the main cast. It certainly brings some opportunities for the Congress.

Rahul is not a natural when it comes to countering Modi’s attacks, especially when he gets personal. The Congress president has countered that weakness by being the ‘good boy'. With Priyanka, she is capable of payback. And she is a woman. Even a Modi will think twice before passing a comment on her.

If the Congress denies BJP a majority in 2019, it will not because Priyanka entered politics, but because people are unhappy with Modi. Priyanka’s job, Rahul’s as well, will be to tap this frustration and expose the rival effectively.

The Gandhi surname can help Rahul become the president, and Priyanka become the general secretary, of the Indian National Congress, but people of India don’t vote for them anymore because they are Gandhis.

Rafale deal for Dummies

Lessons for Rahul from the Hindi Heartland

1. Make no mistake, verdict is against Modi

Narendra Modi and Amit Shah are like galli cricket captains. When you know you are going to lose you find excuses beforehand and try to stay away from the defeat. When you get out, you express your disappointment by shrugging, feigning helplessness, showing anger. The expressions are meant to say, “What all can I do alone?”

Now the trouble is Modi expected his party to lose in Rajasthan and Madhya Pradesh, and lose badly at that. So he addressed fewer rallies there. When he spoke, he spoke about the Nehru-Gandhi family, his govt’s initiatives, the failures of the Congress, but didn’t have anything nice to say about Shivraj Singh Chouhan or Vasundhara Raje. It was as if Chouhan and Raje had done nothing of significance to be highlighted. Essentially he was saying, “How can I score all the runs always?”

Was it anti-incumbency that ended BJP’s terms in Rajasthan and Madhya Pradesh as pundits on TV would want us to believe?

No. If it was anti-incumbency, the BJP would have been wiped out. Without much help from the central leadership, Chouhan and Raje were able to put up a fight. In both states, the Congress wasn’t able to get clear majority. If anything, the vote was anger against the Modi govt’s policies than the state govt’s.

2. Rahul vs Modi is not a walkover 

Rahul Gandhi should not shy away from a duel with Modi. Especially in states where the Congress and BJP are in direct fights. What is the point in saying 'I have several batsmen like Ashok Gehlot, Sachin Pilot, Kamal Nath, Jyotiraditya Scindia', and score no runs yourself. People will be tempted to ask if you are a non-playing captain, then why do we need you at all?

3. Play to your strength

Modi knows this better than anyone else. He is a very good orator, but not the Vajpayee kind. He is more the angry man who taunts and mocks his rivals. Rahul shouldn’t try to be what Modi is. The country has space for only one Modi, not two. In any case, a clone is unlikely to be better than the original. Rahul can play the sheet anchor role. But then who does all the slogging that is needed. Let leaders like Navjot Sidhu do that. The Left may lend a helping hand, by unleashing Kanhaiya Kumar in the rural belt. Stay away from Kanhaiya by all means, but if he can swing a few votes, why not?

4. Hindutva Lite is working
Soft Hindutva is working, let there be no doubts about it. A Hindu voter in today’s India, especially the middle class one, is not going to the polling booth thinking, “I will not vote for Rahul because he is making an exhibition of his religious beliefs. How the hell he can do that in a secular nation? It is against the spirit of the Constitution, I will vote to uphold the Constitution.” Soft Hindutva is not going to win over Modi bhakts, but it definitely works with the fence-sitters. Given a choice between a Hindu with spears and an unarmed temple-hopping Hindu, the voters in the cow belt chose the less violent one, didn’t they?

5. Stop listening to liberal intellectuals 

Empty symbolisms mean nothing. Rahul will get ample time to do that if he comes to power. Liberal intellectuals live in a fantasy world. They can write about the transformation of the Congress into the B team of the BJP because they are not the ones fighting elections. They just have to write from the comfort of their study or debate on primetime TV from the comfort of their homes (these days OB vans go to their houses). In the unlikely event of Rahul listening to them and losing elections (which he may still do), they will tell Rahul how incompetent he is. What a morale booster that would be.