Make 2024 Modi vs Priyanka and get me the popcorn

This Sunday something extraordinary happened. The entire counting day, I did not have a single drop of whiskey. You will be wondering if I had vodka or gin, but let me assure you I did not touch alcohol. And it helped me see the elections for what they are. So here are my takeaways, not coloured by any shades of the bottle.

Modi magic

For the first time since 2014, Narendra Modi was not the biggest factor in an election. Unlike earlier elections, we didn’t see planted reports in the media that claimed how Modi turned things around in the last one week with his magnificent oratory and spectacular roadshows. One big sign that even the BJP was cagey about putting the PM in the front. But seeing how things turned out, Modi won the elections for the BJP in two states - in Rajasthan and Chhattisgarh, where ED too probably did its bit with its election-eve raids and arrests. Madhya Pradesh was won by a cornered Shivraj Singh Chouhan.

The 3-0 sweep of Hindi heartland however has added further to the Modi aura. It will inspire BJP voters and workers and demotivate Congress workers. Invincible Modi is the branding that is getting traction.


Cong clueless in Madhya Pradesh

If Chhindwara was a state, then Kamal Nath would be its CM. The trouble is Chhindwara is not a state, and outside of Chhindwara, Kamal Nath doesn’t have much appeal. Kamal Nath has been around since 1975 when emergency was imposed. If he had to become a CM, he would have become one in the 50 years or so he has been in politics. The other leader Digvijaya Singh, became a CM in his 40s. He is keeping the seat warm for his son, possibly to make a serious bid for power in the next elections. In 2018, the Congress had all the regions covered with the Scindia-Digvijaya-Kamal Nath trio. But after the elections, the old guard smoked out Scindia or Scindia walked out for a bungalow and power in Delhi, whichever version you want to believe. Priyanka Gandhi Vadra was their best bet, and the punt failed.

Hindutva

2014 was a vote for Vikas, 2019 was a vote for Hindutva-plus, but 2024 will be a vote on governance. Many analysts will say the Congress lost the three states in the Hindi heartland because of Hindutva, because of Udhayanidhi Stalin’s comment on Sanatan Dharma. That is the easiest excuse to make. The Congress vote share in Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh and Chhattisgarh has remained roughly the same. No Hindus switched their votes from the Congress to punish the party and save the religion. In Rajasthan and Madhya Pradesh, the vote share of other parties came down and the BJP was the beneficiary. Leaders like Kamal Nath, Bhupesh Baghel feared Hindutva so much, they got busy making schemes for gauraksha and gobar and lost the larger plot.

We should remember that Indira Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi, P.V. Narasimha Rao – all of them pandered to Hindu sentiments. Sonia Gandhi brought a kind of liberalism into politics which helped the BJP play the “Hindu khatre me” card. She also brought in the concept of rights-based governance in a society where people are used to mai-baap culture. Ten years later, the BJP has occupied the national party space, reducing the Congress to a few states.

Today the non-core Hindu voters of the BJP feel their religion is safe under Modi, they are voting for Modi because they think he is doing a great job. Now, what you think are failures of the Modi govt in matters of governance are being seen as good policy by these voters. Remember even deaths during second Covid wave and demonetization did not change the view of these voters despite suffering so much pain and loss.

Hindutva has run its course. It has saturated in many parts but will find some growth areas too. But if the BJP wins 2024 it will be because the voter likes Modi’s governance.

North-South divide

The North-South divide is real and has been there forever. Make no mistake, Hindutva has takers in South India too. At some point the BJP will open its account in Kerala and it could become the principal opposition in Telangana or Andhra Pradesh. Hindutva can help the BJP attain a critical mass, like in Karnataka, but the party will have to look beyond Hindutva to rule the southern states.

One reason is that people of these states have strong feelings about their culture. Any attempt to impose one shade of Hinduism will meet with stiff resistance from them.

The Congress, however, can’t give the North-South divide as a reason for their failings. Instead they should export the energy and enthusiasm shown by its cadres and leaders in Karnataka and Telangana to north India.

After all what is the use of contesting elections if you have already given up the fight? If that is the case Congress might as well shut shop and go home.

Caste census

The caste card remains the biggest antidote to Hindutva. Analysts will say it didn’t work in Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan and Chhattisgarh. These states though were not affected by the caste politics in the Nineties though, why should they be now? Caste census is an issue for Uttar Pradesh and Bihar, the original Mandal vs Mandir battleground. More than the Congress, it is an issue tailormade for parties like the SP and RJD.

Priyanka factor

Priyanka Gandhi Vadra remains the best communicator the Congress has. Rahul Gandhi can walk all that he wants, but he is unable to send his message across effectively. His image among many Congress sympathizers is that of a ‘nice boy not meant for politics’.

Unlike Rahul, whose every statement is distorted, his sister has a knack of effectively countering her rivals’ political attacks. Her punchy dialogues at election rallies in Karnataka have defanged the victim card played by Modi very often during elections. She merely asked, “How can a man who has been in power for so many years, flies superjets, come to you complaining about insults instead of listening to your troubles?”

Brand Priyanka is no match for Brand Modi, but it is the best Cong has today.

Modi is India, India is Modi

When Narendra Modi speaks in Parliament, which is rare, everyone listens. His fans, his critics, his trolls, pretty much everyone. And he never lets us down.

This week, the PM spoke his mind, wearing a jacket of recycled plastic according to his PR machinery, but evidently the man himself thought it was Teflon. The speech exuded such confidence.

There are two ways I listen to his speech. One, I read between the lines. Two, I do not read between the lines. Then, by now you all know, I employ the good old Sherlock Holmes principle - When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. 

So when Modi said, “If Nehru is such a great man, why are his grandkids and great grand kids not using the Nehru surname”, many took it as another attempt to belittle the country’s first prime minister, an intellectual giant, the kind of who we rarely see. But not me. 

I thought and over-thought the remark in my head many times over. I dissected it with scalpel blade 15. And finally came to a conclusion.

Suppose Indira Priyadarshini had retained her father’s surname instead of adding her husband’s after marriage. Suppose Indira’s sons took their mother’s surname instead of their father’s. Too many suppositions, I know, but you must not lose track. Suppose their kids took their surname from their mothers instead of their father. It would have been a tremendous strike at the root of patriarchy coming straight from the First Family of India. Now the Leader’s statement starts making sense. Immense sense.

Not everything Modi said came coded in Greek. Most of it was plainspeak.

He said the UPA converted every opportunity into a scam. Isn’t that true? Even when there was no scam, Manmohan Singh’s partymen told us there is one, to polish the heir apparent’s resume, to present him as the hero who will set all things that are wrong with the UPA right. For some strange reason the heir refused to join the govt and clean up the mess, instead waiting for the elections. The voter had different ideas. 

The most controversial bits in Modi’s speeches came in two parts over two days.

“The country trusts me and not the abuses and accusations you throw at me.”

“Ek akela kitno pe bhaari pad raha hai.”

He is just being truthful.

If hours long queues to take money out of ATM could not unseat him, if thousands of deaths caused by oxygen shortage could not unseat his party in Uttar Pradesh, nothing else will. Definitely not a businessman out to make some quick buck. 

Nor a cross-country yatra to unite the country. For starters, how do you unite a country where the majority feels there are no divisions.

The likes of Mani Shankar Aiyar and Chidambaram and Jairam Ramesh will remind you how JP dethroned Indira and how VP Singh defeated Rajiv Gandhi.

There is a big difference.

Indira made an enemy of every Opposition leader. All of them ganged up with the common aim of toppling her and with personal ambitions of becoming PM.

Her son was no great politician and opposition had the self-belief – if Indira can be defeated, then Rajiv certainly can be.  

Modi has learnt from the mistakes of Indira, Rajiv and Manmohan.

One, don’t give opposition leaders a reason to gang up against him. So he will give Naveen Patnaik, Jagan Reddy, K Chandrasekhar Rao, Akhilesh Yadav, etc their free space at the state level. The opposition is perennially divided.

Two, rule with an iron fist when you have such a brutal majority. Rajiv suffered because VP Singh, right under his nose, turned against him, rather the PM allowed him to.  

Three, never let the public get even a whiff of a scam even if there is one. Ignore charges being leveled by the Opposition unlike Manmohan who would sack ministers and order investigations. Modi has one advantage. The fear factor. From the fourth estate to pretty much every estate, no one dare point a finger at him. 

Modi is bigger than the BJP. Modi is bigger than the RSS. The trouble is he knows it, though his modesty doesn’t let him say so openly.

 “Ek akela kitno pe bhaari pad raha hai.”

When Modi said that, thumping his Chappan Chaathi multiple times, his party colleagues in the ministry and Parliament, stood up to give him an ovation. As they did that, they saw something we didn’t on the TV, thanks to their privileged seats right next to the PM. They spotted the Halo.

To them, and sadly many more outside, Modi is India and India is Modi. 

Ek akela aadmi sab pe bhaari.

Post script : After all, the investors who put money in the group did so, not because India is a land of opportunities, but because of the promoters' proximity to the PM. 

Only Rahul can stop Modi, but will he?

Even during my toughest missions in the remotest areas hunting down enemies, even when I am busy seducing or being seduced by pretty spies and operatives of all kinds, even when I am getting drunk on arrack and rum, even when I am experimenting with truth, half truths and innocent lies… I don’t take my eyes off my primary objective – that is world peace. But that is not the case with Rahul Gandhi.

Rahul is a nice chap. A handsome old young man with no known vices and quite a tharavadi. In short,  sundar and susheel. Qualities any parent would seek when looking for a match for their daughter.  Now the problem is he is not seeking a bride but looking for votes, enough of them to unseat Narendra Modi in 2024 or even 2028.

Nothing he has done till now gives his fans the confidence he will be able to do it.

Look at this. Rahul goes to Bihar where Tejashwi is working up huge crowds with his promise of 10 lakh govt jobs and what does he do? He starts talking about demonetization. Agreed note ban was a blunder of gigantic proportions, but people have moved on, and don’t seem to mind the trouble DeMo brought on them. 

For Rahul, somewhere the fight has become personal.

He probably hates the PM who has slapped cases against the entire Gandhi family and bad-mouths the dynasty starting from Jawaharlal Nehru. Naturally so.  But he was not out there seeking votes to settle a personal score.

He probably thinks 'how does that dumbo rule the country while I sit in the opposition', but then the BJP says Rahul is the dumbo, and unfortunately for Rahul, the voter seems to share that view.

To be a politician you have to have two necessary qualities. One, he or she must be a good communicator. Rahul is not. Two, he or she has to be a cunning backroom player. 

If the BJP can build a Hindu umbrella alliance, who is stopping the Congress from a forming a Brahmin-Dalit-Muslim tieup in let us say, Uttar Pradesh.

If BJP can split votes by fielding Asaduddin Owaisi, as the Congress claims, what is stopping the Congress doing something similar to the BJP.

Rahul is neither a communicator nor a cunning operator.

Like I have written in a post earlier, a Priyanka or a Rahul won’t win the elections for the Congress just because they are a Gandhi. We have moved on from the dynasty and it’s time the party and the family realized that.

I don’t know if Priyanka can revive the party, but from the 11 years we have seen of Rahul, we can safely conclude he can’t.

Every time he joins a protest or supports a cause, the BJP is able to dodge the bullet.

For example the current farmer protests have cornered the Narendra Modi govt and what stands out is Rahul’s absence.

Rahul Gandhi must focus on the objective.

If the aim is to remove Narendra Modi from the throne, then Rahul must abdicate and let someone else lead the Congress into the next election.

If the aim is to be the chocolate boy of Indian politics, he has won the title hands down. It’s time he let someone else take a shot at that title too.

Mandir Needs Modi More Than Modi Needs Mandir

Ten days ago, millions of Indians watched Prime Minister Narendra Modi preside over the bhumi pujan for the construction of the Ram mandir. The seating arrangement was a message in itself. The sants and spiritual leaders got a place in the audience, the RSS chief, UP governor and CM sat a few inches back forming a square. The pride of place was reserved for Modi. 

Modi that day was the king conducting ashwamedha.

His critics were appalled to see the absence of Advani and Murli Manohar Joshi, they were upset to see the line between the State and religion converge. They called Modi the publicity hunter who stole the whole occasion for his sole benefit – the man who won't share the limelight with anyone.

I differ.

If Modi wasn't there, there wouldn't be a show to talk of.

Do you think people will switch on TV to watch Mahant Nithya Gopal Das and Mohan Bhagwat, or for that matter Advani, do the puja? Nah.

Did you see any buildup to the bhumi pujan off the TV screens. Many RWAs asked people to light up diyas and celebrate Diwali in advance. I feared I would be blacklisted if I didn't do it. But to my surprise in an apartment complex of 1,000 flats, hardly 10 to 20 households celebrated Diwali that day.

Do you see anyone rushing to donate money to build the temple?

Do you see anyone quitting jobs to do kar seva in Ayodhya, though you may argue enough jobs will be lost to coronavirus pandemic and there will be enough jobless people do the honours when the time comes.

Even when the Supreme Court gave its verdict, gifting the land to Ram Lalla, viewers switched off television sets once the ruling was read out.

The mandir movement died long ago. To be precise: on December 6, 1992. Narasimha Rao, knowingly or unknowingly, finished the agitation. Once the Babri Masjid was gone, the Hindus didn't feel the emotional connect anymore. It didn't win anyone votes in all the elections that followed over three decades that even saw 10 years of Manmohan Singh rule.

Half of India's current population was born after 1992, says an Indian Express report. None of them saw the rath ratra or the riots it triggered.

The excitement about the mandir is limited to TV, with much of its audience above 40 – the generation that actually saw or took part in the movement. The rest are on Netflix or Amazon or YouTube or any of the hundreds of OTTs.

That is not to say Hindutva is dead. Hindutva is alive and kicking. It has metamorphosed into Moditva, which is essentially Hindutva raised to the power of two. Mandir is only a small subset. 

It is safe to say the mandir needs Modi more than Modi needs the mandir.

BJP to honour Veer Savarkar with Bharat Ratna

Lessons from Sadhvi Pragya

Modi is Douglas Jardine and Bradman rolled into one

Elections are to Narendra Modi what runs were to Sir Donald Bradman. Except, cricket was a gentleman’s game then, and there was never anything gentlemanly about politics.

Modi will do anything to win elections. He will stand tall one second, he will stoop low the next.

The airstrike on Balakot marked a big shift in India’s strategy in the fight against terror and its chief sponsor Pakistan. For the first time Indian Air Force jets crossed the line of control since 1971. But for the BJP, it wasn’t good enough. They needed to a put number to the kill, a number good enough for their 56 chaathi leader. So they said 300 terrorists killed, though the govt officially never mentioned it.

That is Modi’s style. Now endless memes and fake news videos will be circulated in the most effective election tools of our age, that is Whatsapp and Facebook.
And people generally believe whatever they get on whatsapp. 2019 could well be an election which will be decided by fake news and innuendos.

That much is evident from Modi’s statements since the air raid. He is already asking people ‘are you with us or them’, bracketing the opposition with terrorists. No one has done this before, probably no one will do later.

The opposition’s challenge is to find a leader who can pay Modi back in the same coin. Someone who can be as mean, as arrogant, as angry, and at times as witty as Modi. And that somebody must speak Hindi. Hindi heartland is where the BJP needs to be defeated if opposition fancies any chance of winning power.

What are their options then?

Nitish Kumar was a good bet, but he chose to sleep with the enemy.

Lalu Yadav could have done it, but he is in jail.

Akhilesh Yadav has the ability, but his popularity is restricted to UP.

Kanhaiya Kumar can do it, but he is in the wrong party, and lacks stature.

You are left with Rahul Gandhi.

Rahul has many strengths. He appears sincere, has a boyish charm. He has his weaknesses too. He can’t be mean even if he wanted to. He can’t be witty, that doesn’t come naturally to him.

They are left with one person who could do the job. Priyanka Vadra. For some strange reason the Congress has restricted her to some 35 seats in UP, where they in any case don’t stand a chance to win much. Any gain the Congress makes there will only weaken the SP-BSP and help the BJP. The party is saving its brahmastra for bigger battles ahead which makes one wonder what can be a bigger fight than the Lok Sabha election.

Like I said, votes are to Modi, what runs were to Bradman.

Modi however is more than that. He doesn’t play by the rules. Modi wants to make the 2019 elections presidential. He is telling the voter, it is either me or that dimwit Rahul. To hammer this message, he can go to any extent. He will call Rahul mentally retarded, that is what he meant when he called his rival dyslexic, pardon his ignorance and insensitivity. He will call Rahul anti-national, don’t be surprised if one of these days he calls him a terrorist as well.

Whatsapp and social media have made politics as thrilling as a Twenty20 match. And just like we appreciate Virat Kohli giving it back to the Aussies, society as a whole, especially middle class, like the crass sledging Modi and his teammates indulge in.

Modi is ready to play dirty to win a match, whether it is underarm bowling or bodyline bowling. Modi is Douglas Jardine and Bradman rolled into one. Now that is a combo hard to match, tough to beat.

Rafale deal for Dummies

Red alert: Pinarayi Vijayan is giving BJP a free pass into Kerala

A few months ago the BJP led a march from Kannur to Thiruvananthapuram. Amit Shah himself came for the padyatra but was shocked to see the lukewarm interest shown by the public. Today thousands are marching under the banner of Save Sabarimala yatra spearheaded by the BJP state president Sreedharan Pillai. And there lies the failure of the Congress and the CPM.

Just think of it. The BJP was, in a way, instrumental in getting women entry into the temple. They needed to show they were fair, especially at a time when they were pushing for laws to ban triple talaq, obviously targeted at the Muslims. Tripti Desai was backed to the hilt by the RSS and the BJP which helped women get entry into the Shani temple in Maharashtra. She also had to take a stand on Sabarimala.

Once the Supreme Court gave its verdict allowing women of all ages entry into Sabarimala, the BJP acted shrewdly. They have conveniently taken a U-turn in Kerala and launched a movement against women’s entry into Sabarimala, while the central leadership has sealed its lips. Whatever else, the BJP has shown they are very good at politics.

Now look at the Congress. They always backed the temple traditions. While in power, the party filed affidavits against breaking the tradition. And now in the opposition, it was caught off-guard, letting the BJP walk away with all the credit for protests.

Now come to the Hindu party of Kerala - the CPM. Its vote bank is essentially the backward castes and a little bit of upper castes, Christians and Muslims thrown in. The Left govt in the state is entrusted with implementing the Supreme Court order. But the party did read the pitch wrong. It is one thing to be progressive, but it is another thing to be blind to the mood on the ground. The turnout in the CPM bastion of Kannur for instance was quite big, enough to make heads turn. By the time the party thought of seeking talks with the protesters, it was too late.

The Kerala CPM, which is pragmatic in its economics, was found to be naive in its politics. One way to blunt religious fervour is to play on other divides like caste, gender. So far it hasn’t worked.

The Sabarimala protests give the BJP a glimmer of hope in Kerala. Almost every Hindu in the state worships Ayyappan. In Sabarimala, the BJP has found a Mandir issue tailor-made for the state. For that the BJP has to be thankful to the CPM.

Day in and day out, CPM’s social media is mocking, taunting believers. The cadres must understand they are not in a school debate, but in the actual business of winning and keeping votes. You don’t win friends by ridiculing them.

So what is it that drives Pinarayi Vijayan? Why didn’t he make any effort to pacify the devotees? Is it out of conviction or arrogance? If it is out of commitment to liberal values, to gender equality, he is a true icon. But if it is pure arrogance, he might be presiding over an irreversible decline of the CPM. Just remember Bengal every now and then.

The flood fighting hero has become the ‘Hindu hating’ villain, at least in perception. Three months is a long time in politics, Pinarayi Vijayan would have learnt by now.

Also read:
1) SC has got its Sabarimala ruling wrong, horribly wrong

2) In love with Ayyappan: The forgotten story of Leela

Should Mohanlal fight Shashi Tharoor?

Dear Laletta,

You have legions of fans across India. They come from all walks of life; they come from several religions - yes they include Muslims too; most of them are Mammootty ‘haters’ -- they hate him just because they are your fans; many of them are converts from Mammootty fans -- for instance, I am one of them. So if and when you join politics, it as an event of earth shattering magnitude.

Imagine the kind of headlines Malayalam newspapers would carry. Just the thought is mouth watering.

‘Rashtreeyathil Lalettante Savari Giri Giri’  (രാഷ്ട്രീയത്തിൽ ലാലേട്ടന്റെ സവാരിഗിരിഗിരി )

‘Pulimurugan vettakkorungi’(പുലിമുരുഗൻ വേട്ടക്കൊരുങ്ങി)

‘Narasimahavatharam’ (നരസിംഹാവതാരം )

‘Kireedam thedi Araan Thamburan’  (കിരീടം തേടി ആറാം തമ്പുരാൻ)

‘Assembliyil mondoori thallaaan Aadu Thoma’  (അസ്സെംബിയിൽ മുണ്ടൂരി തല്ലാൻ ആട് തോമ)

‘Saffron Salaam’ (സാഫ്രൺ സലാം)

The list could go on and on. 

Your meeting with Prime Minister Narendra Modi has given new life to rumours, which were already doing rounds in Thiruvananthapuram, that you would fight on BJP ticket against Shashi Tharoor. 

It’s been more than 24 hours since some national television channels, one of them you were associated with as a jury member for their award events, and some newspapers ran the story. And all that has come as reaction from you is a terse comment to Malayala Manorama: “I didn’t know I was contesting from Thiruvananthapuram, so I won’t react.”

A clever response which is not an outright denial. What do we make of it? For one, it is clear the thought struck you and you are probably weighing the scales.

But then why would you do that?

After 30 years in public life, it is quite natural to want to do more. As a citizen of the country, you may not be happy with whatever is happening around you. You might feel you can do more and do it better. You may be thinking, as many of us are, the floods probably could have been avoided. You may be thinking, I certainly do believe, that right to food must include right to one bottle rum at least every month.

Important things first. To join politics, you need a party. Your choice of party will reveal more about you than a hundred films you did in the 30 years.

For instance if you join the BJP, you stand for everything that party and its members stand for. For instance they have no problems with lynchings, they promote hate for Muslims, they promote hate for Christians, they promote hate for beef eaters, they promote hate for Kashmiris…. Of course it is your choice.

Till now we don’t know your views about any of the issues listed above. But we do know you have strong feelings about freedom of expression. You had famously said, during the JNU controversy, “People are debating free speech when soldiers are dying on the border.” The statement pretty much proved you don’t believe in free speech.

Do you have any idea how suffocating a world without right to speak your mind would be? Imagine you didn’t like the sambaar your wife cooked but you are barred from telling her that. That is how bad it will be. I could have written more, but you can read my views on this very serious issue in this blog on sedition.

A few months ago a former cricketer tweeted his views about a Hindu-Muslim issue. It was a disgusting tweet. He himself doesn’t tweet those hate mongering stuff, but his PR professionals do. A journalist asked him if he would say the same to the Muslim teammates he shared dressing room with in his playing days. It needed a shove but the cricketer deleted that tweet.  But the tweet left a bitter aftertaste, we fans got to know our idol for what he is worth.

Lalettaa, please don’t do that to us.

ലാലേട്ടൻ എന്ന് വിളിച്ച നാവു കൊണ്ട് സംഘി എന്ന് വിളിപ്പിക്കല്ലേ പ്ളീസ്

With best wishes
Jasoos Narayanan Kutty

Urban Naxals

Top journalists quit under pressure

Stand by Meesha, or else shave your meesha

This week I got a whatsapp forward. The local unit of the Nair Service Society (NSS), a body that represents Nairs, an upper caste in Kerala, calling upon all community members to boycott Mathrubhumi newspaper till it apologises for publishing S. Hareesh’s novel Meesha (Moustache).

Then I got another forward, this one called the NSS resolution an interference in personal space and attack on individual rights. This message also warned that a boycott of Mathrubhumi will invariably help Malayala Manorama, owned by a Christian. But it didn’t question the assault on free speech.

Here is the excerpt from the novel which they are objecting to:

Why do girls take bath and go to temples all decked-up? A friend who used to accompany my walks till six months ago asked me once. 

"To pray," I said. 

"No, give a closer look. Why put on your best and doll up to pray? They are sub-consciously conveying their readiness for sex." 

I laughed. 

"If not why do they fail to turn up at temples four or five days a month? To let others know they are not ready, especially the temple priests. You know, they were the real playboys those days."

It’s obvious the chivalrous Nair men, or the Sangh Parivar elements they are backing, can’t have any of it. But we are yet to hear from any women about this, all the whatsapp messages circulating are valiant men pledging to save their sundar-susheel sisters.

Even these moral cops would admit that long before we got shopping malls, temples were where we wooed our girls. Where we schemed chance meetings to get the sandalwood tika on our foreheads by them. Many a love affair has taken root and blossomed in temples or ulsavapparambu.

Now, take the ban on women visiting temples during menstruation: it is not enforced the way it is in Kerala anywhere else in India. The character in the novel in his own way is giving a reasoning for a subject which is now being debated by no less than the Supreme Court.

If art, literature and films were to follow the Hindutva cowboys’ newly drafted moral code, we would have villains in films seeking the permission of women before a rape scene, drunkards reading out the ‘alcohol is injurious to health’ warnings before every sip of brandy and ‘shwaasakosam’ warning before every puff.

DC Books’ decision to publish Meesha is laudable. Such nonsense should be called out right from the beginning, and any attempt to censor must be nipped in the bud. If we don’t do it, we might as well shave our moustache and pretend it never was there. 

Malayalam writer withdraws novel Meesha after threats

Eeda, the story of Kannur

I am just back from a vacation and depressed, and I am three Old Monk pegs down, yet I write this, because Eeda is a film that should be watched and talked about.

In the theatre I saw the film, there were two in the audience, I and an IT professional. When the film began, he was sitting in the last row, I somewhere in the middle. After the interval, we took seats next to each other, hoping our change of seats will make sure a good ending for the hero and heroine.

From the beginning the love affair between Anand and Aishwarya was doomed to fail. Their fate was sealed the day they fell in love, Sara had told me (she had watched the movie before me).

The two lovers come from BJP and CPM families in Kannur, that northern district of Kerala which has made national headlines, thanks to the bloodsport played by the two political parties.

The film is more than just a love affair. It is also about the longest political feud of India, one that has claimed over hundred lives in the last five decades or so. The film exposes both BJP and CPM in equal measure, though it doesn’t name them.

Shane Nigam has done a wonderful job, his dad Aby deserved to see his performance. Aby, himself an actor, died a few weeks before the film released.

The real star is Nimisha Sajayan. While writing the review of her previous film Thondimuthalum Driksakshiyum I had to Google-search her name. Now I am a fan.

Nimisha is an unlikely heroine. She isn’t fair, she isn’t glamorous, she isn’t size zero. What she is, is a versatile actor. Her expressions are priceless. The trepidation while proposing, the joy and relief when she knows Anand too likes her, the agony when she knows he comes from a BJP family, the futility, the anguish, the tragedy… You will fall in love with Aishwarya, you will pray for her and Anand, you will feel the despair, you will feel the pain, and you will feel helpless as the story unfolds.

Anand and Aishwarya are Romeo and Juliet, tweeted N.S. Madhavan. How I wish she was Cinderella and he the prince.

PS
This film must be shown to national media journalists who treat Kannur violence as a scorecard just like the BJP and CPM do. Everybody overlooks the human cost.

In my spirited exuberance, I failed to mention writer-director Ajithkumar. He has exposed how the BJP and CPM trample individual liberties in so-called party villages. Expect more and better films from him. 

5 lessons for Rahul Gandhi from Gujarat elections

Play according to pitch
Winning an election is like playing a Test match. You have to read the pitch correctly. In Gujarat Rahul Gandhi read the pitch correct. In a state where 90% of the population is Hindu, in a state which is an advertisement for Hindutva, in a state that swears by the Gujarat model, in a state where Muslims have been reduced to political irrelevance, soft Hindutva was the right and only option. Rahul did what needed to be done, he lost the plot in the slog overs.

Never go on the defensive 
Those days when batsmen grafted runs and battled to save a Test are over. Most elections in the recent past have thrown up a clear winner. So playing for a draw is not an option. The fight for Gujarat began well for the Congress. Rahul raised questions about business dealings of Amit Shah’s son, but later he lost steam. Give the voter a talking point every now and then.


Fight Bodyline with Bodyline
Narendra Modi and Amit Shah are the Douglas Jardine of Indian politics. There is no limit they won’t cross to win an election. In the final stages of the campaign when PM Narendra Modi accused the Congress of conspiring with Pakistan to win Gujarat elections, Rahul Gandhi and company went numb. They had no clue how to deal with the beamers. Against such hostile attacks, inane comments like ‘hum pyaar ki boli bolenge’ don’t work. Having been fed steroids for a long while, people of Gujarat , or for that matter India, are not going to settle for a cup of coffee. So accuse Modi of doing something nastier, the Indian voter may not fall for it, but they enjoy this kind of mud-slinging. If not that, Rahul could have said something like, ‘Modi went to Pakistan uninvited and gatecrashed a wedding, if he wanted a hara bara kebab, we could have got them for him from a dhaba here (make sure you don’t say Karim’s). You get the idea.

Underarm bowling is fair
In a match there are many things a captain may not want to do but gets his players to do it. Outsource such work to state leadership, they know the pitch better than you, let them bat freely. Elections are about divisions, caste divide vs Hindu-Muslim divide etc. In Karnataka, Siddaramaiah has his own fringe army - the Kannada activists - to fight the parivar fringe. The ban on Sunny Leone for instance. Even before the likes of Sri Ram Sene could raise an issue, the Kannada activists entered the stage and stole the show. They even insisted Sunny wear a saree. It couldn’t have gotten better. Please don’t spoil it by reining in Sidda anna.

Migrate to cities
Politics of 2 rotis a day doesn’t work anymore. India is rapidly urbanising, people are shifting from farming to other activities, nobody can win power by not winning the urban votes. Dump garibi hatao, coin a new slogan. Ghar ghar, ek car, or something more materialistic and aspirational. No, free pastas and pizzas through PDS won’t do.

Here is raising a toast to Modi and Rahul. Keep us entertained.

BJP leader sings Vande Mataram

Bharat Mata Ki Jay - Shah Jr's Biz Under Lens

JNU V-C to install battle tank on campus

Jasoos Kutty and the mystery of Gau Raksha

I usually don’t reveal any State secrets. But this one the world needs to know. I won’t reveal the names of the characters in national interest, but narrate the rest of the events as truthfully as I can.

There are two groups of scientists who are working on something that will shape the world we are living in in the coming years. You might have read it in newspapers, but for those who don’t read newspapers and don’t watch TV channels, here is a Dummy’s Guide. No, I am not talking about the Aryan invasion theory, this one is much much more important. Climate change.

As I had written in a post earlier, a group of scientists and propagandists are working on highlighting the bad effects of eating beef – both health-wise and spiritually – so that consumption of beef comes down, cutting down carbon emissions that eat into the all important ozone layer. With this, India would meet a significant portion of its emission target.

But there is a world out there which is refusing to give up beef. Like the Chinese, the Americans, the Europeans, the Arabs, Donald Trump… They just a give a damn about climate change. Now beef consumption is not the only thing that increases emissions. Cow farts do too. So this group of scientists is working on making cattle feed that reduces cow farts. Now you beef eaters don’t tell me you eat beef to reduce farts and all. I don’t buy that argument.

Unknown to these two groups, a third party has also gotten involved. North Korea. It all started with a whatsapp forward of a Malayalee RSS worker explaining the uses of cow dung and cow urine. It is a well-known fact that there is a Malayalee in every corner of the world. Neil Armstrong, Tenzing Norgay and Misbah-ul Haq have already attested to the fact. A Malayalee tea shop owner in Pyongyang received the forward and the North Korean intelligence got wind of it. Of particular interest to them was the bit that said cow dung has weapons grade plutonium and that cow urine and dung can withstand nuclear explosions.

A classic case of killing two birds with one bullet. If Pyongyang can lay hands on these research papers they can meet their demand for plutonium without any help from China or Pakistan. More troubling still is the possibility of building a nuclear shield with cow dung and urine. Such a low-cost invention will sink the millions of dollars invested by not just Koreans but also other powers in building atom bombs. What a waste.

So the major spy agencies of the world -- CIA, MI6, Mossad, KGB’s step son FSB, Mossad and RAW -- came together to work out a plan. Pakistan’s ISI and Chinese intelligence were not invited as it was feared they would tip off the Koreans. As these agencies are facing tremendous funds crunch, it was decided to outsource the job to RAW. The Indian spies were told to make a presentation and I was hired as a consultant by the CIA in view of RAW’s habit of overstating things.

This is how the presentation went.

Mission: Elimination of Suspect X

Option 1: Malappuram kathi/knife

Strengths

• Oldest and simplest weapon
• Easy to acquire, tough to trace
• Cheapest option, only flight and service charges apply

Risks

• Can’t underestimate Korean scientists, they might know karate
• Things could get messy in the event of a scuffle
• If DNA evidence of assassin is left behind, cost escalates 

Option 2: Transistor bomb

Strengths

• Simple and effective
• Can be activated by remote

Risks

• Transistors out of fashion, Koreans might not pick an abandoned radio
• Worse they might sell it to an antique collector, then we have a ticking transistor bomb

Option 3: Letter bomb
Strengths

• Don’t quite know, will be using it for the first time

Risks

• A nosy receptionist might open the letter

Option 4: Mobile phone bomb
Strengths

• Can be easily placed near the scientist
• Can be triggered by a phone call

Risks

• Call drops normal in India, entire operation fails

Option 5: Cyanide poisoning
Strengths

• Our speciality, long experience in it
• Can be easily mixed in the scientist’s butter chicken
• Can spike scientist’s Old Monk and Dal Makhani too, all bases covered

Risks

• The oil and spices in butter chicken could dilute the cyanide

Option 6: Plutonium poisoning
Strengths

• 100% result assured

Risks

• Plutonium not readily available, where can we steal it from?
• Agents not used to this, need special training abroad

**********************************

After the RAW delegation made its presentation, I was called in separately for my opinion.

“Friends, they are unreliable in these kind of operations. So far they have not been able to kill even Dawood Ibrahim,” I did some plainspeak. This was appreciated by the foreign spy chiefs.

“So what do you say,” asked the MI6 chief, “Do we need to send some of our guys.”

“There is an easier and cost-effective method. I can get the work done for half the price,” I said, sipping my Martini.

“We trust you, it shouldn’t be traced back to us, the payment will be routed to your account in Cayman Islands.”

“Consider it done I said.”

After the spy chiefs left, I dialled +91********** and to be doubly sure, whatsapped the details too.

The next day the newspapers reported a foreign national was lynched by a mob that suspected him of eating beef. The police had recovered large amounts of cow dung and urine from the victim.