This is the All India Radio.
News read by Saramma
Prime Minister Narendra Modi directs his party MPs not to touch his feet any more. The order comes after his first meeting with the newly elected MPs of the BJP. Political analysts have hailed the move, calling Modi’s initiative an attempt to end a centuries-old feudal ritual.
But Modi’s directive has put his own party and many others in a quandary. Congress leaders, in particular, who are opposed to toeing the Modi line on anything, are now insisting on touching Rahul Gandhi’s and Sonia Gandhi’s feet. The question however they are asking is: is that enough? One particular leader was seen asking if he should touch Modi’s feet as well in protest against everything that the Prime Minister stands for.
Congress MP from Thiruvananthapuram and Jasoos Narayanan Kutty’s close friend Shashi Tharoor is once again in trouble. Many losers in the Congress who could not hold on to their Lok Sabha seats are targeting Tharoor for what many are describing as his ill-timed praise for Narendra Modi. Tharoor, in his defence, says he only said Modi is trying to rebrand himself as a development avatar. He gave this explanation at party press conferences and interviews to several television channels across the country. His message however didn’t reach the high command, who don’t seem to watch television news or read newspapers and base their decisions and opinion on advice from a closed group of senior losers. Tharoor was forced to write a letter to the top leadership and now hopes for a fair hearing on his mercy petition.
The Tharoor story doesn’t end there. Sources are now telling this news writer that some Congress leaders were advised that the high command could nominate them as MP from Thiruvananthapuram in Tharoor’s place. Constitutional experts, depending on political affiliations, are divided on this.
In sports news, the football World Cup begins on Thursday. Sports fanatics from across the globe are flocking to Brazil to witness the greatest and biggest sports carnival ever. Jasoos Narayanan Kutty has announced his intention to attend the event, but there is dissent within his establishment. Kutty’s secretary has shot off a mail warning of severe rise in revenue, fiscal and current account deficits if he were to embark on this costly trip that is certain to wipe out his meagre foreign exchange reserves earned through months of slogging in the Gulf. Instead the secretary advises him to invest the money in Kanchipuram sarees and Joy Alukkas jewelry.
More signs of differences in the Kutty establishment. Sources tell this newsreader his secretary is very upset about the contents of fan mail he has been getting. Some of these mails tend to be obsessive and many a time very passionate in nature. We have come to know from quarters close to the secretary that she might walk out if Kutty doesn’t mend his ways.
That is all for now
This is Saramma signing off.
**************
Dearest Sara Kutty
Your imitation of Seema’s love letter to Mammootty remains just that: an imitation, a very bad one at that. Leave satire to people who can write it.
I will leave politics out of this letter. In any case Modi is the only around it seems, others are looking like pygmies.
Now the trip to Brazil.
An in-depth study of the Malayalee male psyche would reveal he loves alcohol, football, Shakira, etc in that order. I am no different, my stay in the Gulf notwithstanding. Having spent so many years with me, you, by now, should have learnt this.
Terms like fiscal deficit, current account deficit, foreign exchange depletion, revenue shortfall don’t scare Indian finance ministers, why should they worry me?
I can see a hint of jealousy in your references to the fan mail I get. Saramma, the most famous Malayalam literary critic once explained the state of love, breaking it down into 4 stages.
1) Ragam: The feelings are one-way. I may have a liking for you, but you may not even be aware of it
2) Anuragam: The feelings are mutual. Both of us like each other, but love is yet to blossom
3) Premam: Finally we are in love, but there is room for jealousy. You can’t stand my proximity to another woman. Same with me.
4) Pranayam: The ultimate form of love. There is no jealousy. You love me irrespective of whether I go around with other women.
Saramma, God is testing you. Don’t give up. We have to reach that true form of love bereft of want, longing, jealousy
Let us be in pranayam, not the Sri Sri version.
Yours only
Jasoos Narayanan Kutty
****************
Beep, beep.
Message from Saramma.
“Dearest Kutty, fuck off.”
News read by Saramma
Prime Minister Narendra Modi directs his party MPs not to touch his feet any more. The order comes after his first meeting with the newly elected MPs of the BJP. Political analysts have hailed the move, calling Modi’s initiative an attempt to end a centuries-old feudal ritual.
But Modi’s directive has put his own party and many others in a quandary. Congress leaders, in particular, who are opposed to toeing the Modi line on anything, are now insisting on touching Rahul Gandhi’s and Sonia Gandhi’s feet. The question however they are asking is: is that enough? One particular leader was seen asking if he should touch Modi’s feet as well in protest against everything that the Prime Minister stands for.
Congress MP from Thiruvananthapuram and Jasoos Narayanan Kutty’s close friend Shashi Tharoor is once again in trouble. Many losers in the Congress who could not hold on to their Lok Sabha seats are targeting Tharoor for what many are describing as his ill-timed praise for Narendra Modi. Tharoor, in his defence, says he only said Modi is trying to rebrand himself as a development avatar. He gave this explanation at party press conferences and interviews to several television channels across the country. His message however didn’t reach the high command, who don’t seem to watch television news or read newspapers and base their decisions and opinion on advice from a closed group of senior losers. Tharoor was forced to write a letter to the top leadership and now hopes for a fair hearing on his mercy petition.
The Tharoor story doesn’t end there. Sources are now telling this news writer that some Congress leaders were advised that the high command could nominate them as MP from Thiruvananthapuram in Tharoor’s place. Constitutional experts, depending on political affiliations, are divided on this.
In sports news, the football World Cup begins on Thursday. Sports fanatics from across the globe are flocking to Brazil to witness the greatest and biggest sports carnival ever. Jasoos Narayanan Kutty has announced his intention to attend the event, but there is dissent within his establishment. Kutty’s secretary has shot off a mail warning of severe rise in revenue, fiscal and current account deficits if he were to embark on this costly trip that is certain to wipe out his meagre foreign exchange reserves earned through months of slogging in the Gulf. Instead the secretary advises him to invest the money in Kanchipuram sarees and Joy Alukkas jewelry.
More signs of differences in the Kutty establishment. Sources tell this newsreader his secretary is very upset about the contents of fan mail he has been getting. Some of these mails tend to be obsessive and many a time very passionate in nature. We have come to know from quarters close to the secretary that she might walk out if Kutty doesn’t mend his ways.
That is all for now
This is Saramma signing off.
**************
Dearest Sara Kutty
Your imitation of Seema’s love letter to Mammootty remains just that: an imitation, a very bad one at that. Leave satire to people who can write it.
I will leave politics out of this letter. In any case Modi is the only around it seems, others are looking like pygmies.
Now the trip to Brazil.
An in-depth study of the Malayalee male psyche would reveal he loves alcohol, football, Shakira, etc in that order. I am no different, my stay in the Gulf notwithstanding. Having spent so many years with me, you, by now, should have learnt this.
Terms like fiscal deficit, current account deficit, foreign exchange depletion, revenue shortfall don’t scare Indian finance ministers, why should they worry me?
I can see a hint of jealousy in your references to the fan mail I get. Saramma, the most famous Malayalam literary critic once explained the state of love, breaking it down into 4 stages.
1) Ragam: The feelings are one-way. I may have a liking for you, but you may not even be aware of it
2) Anuragam: The feelings are mutual. Both of us like each other, but love is yet to blossom
3) Premam: Finally we are in love, but there is room for jealousy. You can’t stand my proximity to another woman. Same with me.
4) Pranayam: The ultimate form of love. There is no jealousy. You love me irrespective of whether I go around with other women.
Saramma, God is testing you. Don’t give up. We have to reach that true form of love bereft of want, longing, jealousy
Let us be in pranayam, not the Sri Sri version.
Yours only
Jasoos Narayanan Kutty
****************
Beep, beep.
Message from Saramma.
“Dearest Kutty, fuck off.”
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