Sunday, 31 March 2019

Chowkidar's economy lessons for Raghuram Rajan


Lucifer: Forgive them not for they knew exactly what they were doing

We all dream of doing something in life which is extraordinary, which sometimes is beyond us.

Sachin Tendulkar grew up dreaming of batting like Vivian Richards, Sehwag dreamt of batting like Tendulkar, I dream of writing like M P Narayana Pillai, quite a few of us dream of becoming a chowkidar.

Superstar Prithviraj Sukumaran dreamt of becoming a filmmaker like Shaji Kailas.

And he does that by imitating Amal Neerad.

Before going for the film I wondered why would the film be 3 hours long. Now I know why. Much of Lucifer is Stephen Nedumpally (Mohanlal) in slow motion. He walks in slow motion, he fights in slow motion, he smiles in slow motion, he gets angry in slow motion, luckily he hadn't any chance to romance. A few steamy kiss scenes in slow motion may have been some relief though.

Now Prithviraj has to realise that to make a film like Shaji Kailas, you need a script writer like Ranjith. May be he didn't get him, so he settled for Murali Gopi, who probably dreams of writing a script like Ranjith.

After Odiyan, a lot of film buffs were describing Manju Warrier as an ageless beauty. Lucifer dispels that myth. She is aging like we all do.

The film is about dynasty politics. And it comes in the middle of elections. It also pokes the CPM for its violent politics. These are the two pressing issues Kerala faces, and probably India. The film makes a passing reference to a so called horde of religious fundamentalists knocking on the doors of Kerala, which is being used as an excuse for money making by the villainous politicians of the state.

You know where the writer's sympathies lay, no issues with that.

My request to Mohanlal and Prithviraj fans: forgive them not for they knew exactly what they were doing.

If any Mohanlal or Prithviraj fanatic is upset with this review, all I say is "Po mone Dinesha" for want of a better dialogue to borrow from Stephen Nedumpally.






Saturday, 23 March 2019

Chowkidar Narayanoski Kieślowski is a Modi bhakt. Here is why

I am Jasoos Narayanoski Kieślowski. Over the last five years I have been watching from miles away a rare talent bloom in India.

First I was dismissive, then skeptical, but now I am a converted bhakt.

If there is one person I would pick to make a film to save my life , it would be Narendra Damodardas Modi. The best part is while his direction might look like Bollywood masala, if you keep watching again and again, the production will grow on you, and you get to see the deeper art, economics and politics of it all.

Now more than art and politics, I am more impressed by his innovative economics.

He will scrap 500 and 1000 rupee notes in the same way he finishes a piece of dhokla. He will kill jobs surveys, he will change growth calculation parameters -- like Kudiyan paramu finishes a double large in a single gulp.

There is a method in this madness.

Even I, despite all my powers of deduction and seduction, would have missed the big picture. After weeks of drinking whiskeys -- didn’t I tell you I have stopped drinking rum for health reasons -- and smoking joints, everything became clear, crystal clear.

Now I will clear your doubts one by one.

Let us take jobs for instance. We all agree maximum jobs are in the informal sector. The NSSO survey doesn’t cover it as well as it should. Yesterday at the maidan I saw a harmless game of cricket between Mulla XI and Sanghi XI - these days that is how they name their teams. And they were playing for money. It was a clear economic activity at the end of which one side would get richer by 1000 rupees, the other poorer by 1000 rupees. A proper business transaction with a profit and loss balance sheet which has not been recorded by any official mechanism.

Or for that matter the three people who were playing cards for money. Do you think any man ow woman with self-respect man would admit he earns his living playing teen patti. Does NSSO survey capture all this? Nah.

And why this obsession with money. Every bit of action and inaction has an economic value. A man sleeping in the park gets mental piece which definitely is worth the 1000 or 2000 rupees he would have otherwise earned doing some other work. By that logic sleeping on the park bench qualifies to be a job. And it definitely needs to reflect on GDP numbers, job surveys and happiness index.

You may laugh at Modi but at your own risk. His theory of climate change was derided when he proposed it to the international community, but a recent study has proved what he said beyond any doubt. The pathbreaking research has found climate change doesn’t affect human beings as they just adapt to the changes. For instance if the winter gets longer they just buy a few more sweaters or if the summers get hotter, they buy a few more air-conditioners. Homo sapiens may later grow fur or shed skin as the case might be.

Modi right now is spearheading the world’s biggest job generation exercise, hitherto unseen. At a scale never imagined before.

Let me explain.

The first thing that came to Modi’s notice when he came to power was India’s manufacturing that was in dire straits. He immediately started work on it by promoting chaiwalas. Suddenly there was a spurt in business, people lined up to sell tea. But that wasn’t enough. So he promoted pakodewalas.

There might be people who label these as services but in reality it is manufacturing. It doesn’t matter if we make pakodas or Rafale jets or super computers as long as we make something.

The economic model however was not sustainable. We had two sets of manufacturers who had started bartering in the absence of real customers.

India needed a leap in the services sector. That is where chowkidars fit in. Now we have a whole new class that will buy stuff manufactured by chaiwalas and pakorewalas.

Chowkidars were the missing piece in the Modinomics riddle.

The best part is every citizen gets to become a chowkidar. Just imagine Chowkidar Bhiku, a beggar by profession, walking up to Chowkidar Ambani or Chowkidar Adani, put his arms around their shoulders, and say “Tumhari chowkidari kaise chal rahi hai?” And they would reply with all humility and respect, “Modiji ke kripa se bahut achchi chal rahi hai.” All this under the watchful eyes of Chowkidar Yeddyurappa and Chowkidar Arun Jaitley.

Politicians, business tycoons, rape suspects, scamsters, racketers, teachers, honest tax payers, honest tax evaders, poets, actors, singers, underworld gangsters… all under one roof.

The chowkidari system is the biggest social experiment the world has seen.

Modi has achieved in five years what the Communists and Gandhians toiled for a century and failed. He certainly deserves a Nobel for entire economics.

Monday, 4 March 2019

Modi is Douglas Jardine and Bradman rolled into one

Elections are to Narendra Modi what runs were to Sir Donald Bradman. Except, cricket was a gentleman’s game then, and there was never anything gentlemanly about politics.

Modi will do anything to win elections. He will stand tall one second, he will stoop low the next.

The airstrike on Balakot marked a big shift in India’s strategy in the fight against terror and its chief sponsor Pakistan. For the first time Indian Air Force jets crossed the line of control since 1971. But for the BJP, it wasn’t good enough. They needed to a put number to the kill, a number good enough for their 56 chaathi leader. So they said 300 terrorists killed, though the govt officially never mentioned it.

That is Modi’s style. Now endless memes and fake news videos will be circulated in the most effective election tools of our age, that is Whatsapp and Facebook.
And people generally believe whatever they get on whatsapp. 2019 could well be an election which will be decided by fake news and innuendos.

That much is evident from Modi’s statements since the air raid. He is already asking people ‘are you with us or them’, bracketing the opposition with terrorists. No one has done this before, probably no one will do later.

The opposition’s challenge is to find a leader who can pay Modi back in the same coin. Someone who can be as mean, as arrogant, as angry, and at times as witty as Modi. And that somebody must speak Hindi. Hindi heartland is where the BJP needs to be defeated if opposition fancies any chance of winning power.

What are their options then?

Nitish Kumar was a good bet, but he chose to sleep with the enemy.

Lalu Yadav could have done it, but he is in jail.

Akhilesh Yadav has the ability, but his popularity is restricted to UP.

Kanhaiya Kumar can do it, but he is in the wrong party, and lacks stature.

You are left with Rahul Gandhi.

Rahul has many strengths. He appears sincere, has a boyish charm. He has his weaknesses too. He can’t be mean even if he wanted to. He can’t be witty, that doesn’t come naturally to him.

They are left with one person who could do the job. Priyanka Vadra. For some strange reason the Congress has restricted her to some 35 seats in UP, where they in any case don’t stand a chance to win much. Any gain the Congress makes there will only weaken the SP-BSP and help the BJP. The party is saving its brahmastra for bigger battles ahead which makes one wonder what can be a bigger fight than the Lok Sabha election.

Like I said, votes are to Modi, what runs were to Bradman.

Modi however is more than that. He doesn’t play by the rules. Modi wants to make the 2019 elections presidential. He is telling the voter, it is either me or that dimwit Rahul. To hammer this message, he can go to any extent. He will call Rahul mentally retarded, that is what he meant when he called his rival dyslexic, pardon his ignorance and insensitivity. He will call Rahul anti-national, don’t be surprised if one of these days he calls him a terrorist as well.

Whatsapp and social media have made politics as thrilling as a Twenty20 match. And just like we appreciate Virat Kohli giving it back to the Aussies, society as a whole, especially middle class, like the crass sledging Modi and his teammates indulge in.

Modi is ready to play dirty to win a match, whether it is underarm bowling or bodyline bowling. Modi is Douglas Jardine and Bradman rolled into one. Now that is a combo hard to match, tough to beat.

Monday, 18 February 2019

Kumbalangi musings

Kumbalangi Nights, where the days are never boring. There is always some action, good or bad.

A family of brothers not on good terms mostly, two of them lazy, one a mute, and the fourth a school student - Kumbalangi Nights is their story.

Along the way you get glimpses of Kerala’s societal issues like moral policing and voluntary unemployment (a word coined by Bibek Debroy), alcoholism, suicides.

It’s a simple story, a simple script, a simple movie.

All the actors do their bit very well, the newcomers included.

To Fahadh Faasil’s credit, he is still not caught in the trappings of superstardom. He is willing to share screen space, even cede space to, capable actors like Shane Nigam, who could well be a superstar in the making, and Soubin Shahir.

Anna Ben as Babymol is cute. The ease with which she plays down an inter-religion marriage saying, “so what, Christ is no stranger to us”, was kola mass.

Kumbalangi Nights ticks all the boxes. It might even appeal to an overseas audience. But that is it. It is a good movie - good but not great.

We expect a lot more from the Dileesh Pothan stable. May I say ‘yeh dil maange more.’ 

Thursday, 24 January 2019

A gazillion reasons why Priyanka will fail, and one reason why she may not

In our childhood we rarely got to eat out. Once in a while we would go to nearby arrack shops to eat beef or mutton. Now, because it is a rare occasion, we cherished those visits. So much so, we wouldn’t use the soap to wash our hands in order to preserve the aroma of the spicy food. Every now and then we would smell our hands and relive the taste.

When Priyanka Gandhi campaigned in Bellary for her mother in 1999 against Sushma Swaraj, she broke the security cordon to interact with women and kids. All she did was shake hands or pat the cheeks, but the recipients of the affection were left in awe and admiration. The joke then was that those who got to shake hands with her, including journalists, didn’t wash their hands to savour the perfume she was wearing.

That was then. The Bellary of 2019 is not the Bellary of 1999. What was then a poverty-ridden countryside is now home to millionaires who rode the wave of liberalisation and mining scams. The region has a thriving middle class today.

What I mean is India has changed. The Congress is not going improve its tally in Uttar Pradesh just because Priyanka Gandhi is going to campaign for them.

A Congress bhakt can argue Priyanka is sundar and susheel, but then so are Priyanka Chopra and Deepika Padukone. Would they win elections for a party because they are sundar and susheel?

The surname? The less said the better.

As things stand now, even the big daddy of Gandhis - Mohandas Karamchand -- will not win an election in UP, if he were to contest today. You would call me ignorant and stupid for saying so, but damn it, there are enough BJP bhakts who believe the Mahatma lent the Gandhi surname to Feroze so that Indira could spawn a dynasty.

Priyanka’s resemblance to Indira is also of no use. Those days people had to stand in long queues every month for their share of ration and felt in debt to the Iron Lady for providing do waqt ki roti. Those very exact people are now above 60 and would add up to less than 10% of the population.

The rest have heard stories of Indira of winning a war against Pakistan, but have also heard stories of how she didn’t keep the spoils of the war. They have also heard stories of licence raj, bank nationalisation, etc , etc… No matter what the Gandhi family says, this lot would rather believe a Modi when he says he spends 5 days in a jungle every year or he does yoga every day or he killed a crocodile as a child (which his bhakts claim).

Why go back, there is enough evidence to suggest Priyanka’s campaigns won’t work. She did campaign in 2014. You can’t say it doesn’t count as she limited herself to Amethi, these days you don’t need to physically campaign in remote locations, television and social media are there to spread the message. More recently she campaigned for brother Rahul and Akhilesh in 2017. What came of it?

That doesn’t mean it’s a hopeless scenario.

A journalist once described Priyanka’s role in politics so far, as that of an item girl, but she has now graduated to the main cast. It certainly brings some opportunities for the Congress.

Rahul is not a natural when it comes to countering Modi’s attacks, especially when he gets personal. The Congress president has countered that weakness by being the ‘good boy'. With Priyanka, she is capable of payback. And she is a woman. Even a Modi will think twice before passing a comment on her.

If the Congress denies BJP a majority in 2019, it will not because Priyanka entered politics, but because people are unhappy with Modi. Priyanka’s job, Rahul’s as well, will be to tap this frustration and expose the rival effectively.

The Gandhi surname can help Rahul become the president, and Priyanka become the general secretary, of the Indian National Congress, but people of India don’t vote for them anymore because they are Gandhis.